Let's start with the, "what did you learn from a bad situation" scenarios, and then we'll finish with some a little peppier, okay?
I learned on Saturday night that grumpy men sitting in Row RR at John Mayer concerts do not like to have beer spilled on them. I probably knew this all along, but it was definitely confirmed on Saturday night. Let me set the scene for you...we had decent seats, but they were "behind-the-goal" if you will, so they were temporary and a little wobbly. Aluminum is like that. Great for soda pop, not so great for stability. As I was walking to my seat, I stepped on the lady's bag next to me. Wobble, wobble goes Kathy...and hence my beer spilled on Grumpy McScrooge in row RR. I immediately apologized, "I'm so incredibly sorry," I professed. This was met with cold dead eyes. For a second, I thought, "My god, he doesn't even know that I spilled on him. Why else would he provide no reaction at all? Should I tell him why I'm apologizing? What am I supposed to do now?" I kept walking, really embarrassed. This is why I can't have nice things. It became quite clear that this gentleman did not like getting spilled on, not one bit. I learned this through the five over-the-shoulder stink faces I received. Two would have been sufficient. By #4, I was not really sorry any more. The thing about accidents is that they are just that, on accident. If they weren't, they'd be called, "on purposes." And of my $7 beer, I spilled approximately $0.25 worth. So, I'm sorry for that. Next time, I'll drink at least $1 worth before entering my row.
Last night, someone tried to break in to our house. The alarm blared at 3:45 am. I have a baseball bat under my side of the bed for just the occasion. My sorority paddle is on the other side of the bed, because I believe in bludgeoning intruders, I suppose. Pi Phi till I die! I learned last night, that the one flaw in my plan, is that when an alarm goes off in the middle of the night, it causes me great confusion, and I think it's the alarm on my phone. So instead of taking a weapon with me to face the intruder, I took my phone. Guess I could have thrown it at him, or tweeted about how scared I was. Looks like Husband and I are going to need to run, "Intruder Drills" so I can train myself to grab blunt objects, not electronics in the face of danger. In case you are wondering, the alarm scared the hamburglar off...or he got a look of my messy house and thought, "Somebody's already cased this joint."
And finally, I learned that decorating for Christmas provides quite the challenge when you have a 14-month-old tornado residing with you. We officially entered the, "I must touch everything in the room" phase on Thursday. There's no turning back. All valuables and breakables must be hidden for the next two years. I hope it's only two, when do kids stop breaking stuff? After putting up the Christmas tree yesterday, she grabbed the branches and shook it on three different occasions. So...no ornaments in 2013. It's best for everyone involved. Also, Christmas doesn't exist in our home below three feet. All decorations reserved for shelves. I remember reading a "Puppies for Dummies" book when we first got Mr. Bojangles. It said it was important to put the puppy in situations where it could succeed. I'm applying the same theory to raising a human. Put her in situations where she can succeed, not destroy. Preferably in a really adorable outfit.
BREAKING NEWS: just received a text from Husband saying that our little wild child had a problem using "nice hands" at daycare today. I think that's their way of saying she was hitting the other children. Note to self, take baby with you the next time you have an intruder, her instincts are better than yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment