Well, that was awkward

My life is basically just a series of awkward moments being held together by OSU sporting events.  I just kind of stumble through life, wondering where the emergency exit is in every situation.  Like when Tiny Human yells, "That's a big man!" as a stranger walks by.  I just smile nervously and hope the big man is deaf too.

Or when Husband starts to tell stories that are supposed to be kept in the vault.  I pantomime the throat slitting motion in an attempt to make the story end.  And when it doesn't, I blurt out something unrelated.  I'm sure no one notices.

But today, I had a first as far as awkward moments go.  I ran into someone who unfriended me on Facebook.  Recently, I was talking with my real friends about being "friends" with people on the Book who you aren't actually friends with in real life.  And if, when you see them in public, either you or they won't say hello, maybe you should unfriend.  I never have this problem.  My 667 (thank you to my latest friend addition for getting me over the mark of the devil) friends are all my besties.  We are all super close, and I think we all know that.  I gave you a like just the other day.  This bond cannot be broken.

But from time to time, you lose one for one reason or another.  We'll call this one Stan.

I'm not even sure when Stan stopped being my online friend.  I can remember when I discovered it, though.  I got a message from another friend that said something to the effect, "Yo!  Have you seen those pictures of Stan??"  Seeing as I love being a voyeur, I clicked on over to Stan's page.  Alas...Stan and I had broken up.  And I never even got to say goodbye.

It's hard to pinpoint when we started to grow apart.  Maybe it's the fact that we haven't actually spoken in 18 years.  Or maybe he hates fun.  Who knows.  But this is America and Stan has that choice.  It's the wrong one, but nobody's perfect.

So I saunter into the gym at lunch and who do I see but Stan.  Crap.  Frickin' left-me-when-I-should-have-left-him-first Stan.  I didn't really know what to do.  As Tiny Human asks (45 times a day), which path do I take?  I could just be nice, say hello and rise above the fray.

Instead, I slapped him on the back and said, "Hey Stan.  I never liked you that much anyway."  And then I walked away smiling.

I didn't do that, but wouldn't that have been an amazing thing to do?!  I really, really wanted to.

Instead, I chose the mature path.  I pretended like I didn't see him.  Maybe he didn't notice me as we looked directly at each other and my eyes got very wide. Maybe people run away from him in awkward fear all the time.

But you know what they say, like a goldfish, you gotta just keep movin'.  (No one says that. This is awkward).

Hangin' Tough: Kathy's Koncert Review

I did a little traveling this week.  Traveled right back to the early 1990s.  A really magical time in my life.  Awkward clothes, braces, bad/frizzy hair.  The 90s are when I developed my amazing personality, because no one was going to love me for my appearance.

So I hopped in my mom's Aerostar and went back in time to a concert featuring TLC and New Kids on the Block.  Nelly was supposed to be there, but he bailed.  Like a chump.  But the other two acts showed up and put on quite a show.  Here is my review of both.  Enjoy.

TLC

I was curious how a trio performs a concert with just two, but they didn't miss a beat.  My favorite part of the performance was when they took the stage and my friend asked me, "Wait.  I thought there were three of them."  She apparently had not heard the breaking news that Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes had died 13 years ago.

Oddly enough, the music and songs didn't really seem to be missing anything, which makes me question if Left Eye was actually that integral to their success.  Minus her rap solo in Waterfalls, I'm pretty sure all she added to the group was baggy pants, a condom over her eye, and that crazy factor every team needs.

NKOTB

OMG y'all.  Here's a secret, this is the first boy band I've ever seen in concert.  I didn't even see any when I was an irrational teenager.  I waited until I reach full emotional maturity, which just happened to be Monday.

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but their music is not as good as I had remembered.  It's possible that my tastes have changed, but it's also possible that Jordan Knight can't hit those high notes like he used to.

When I was a kid, I never understood why there was any debate who was the best looking one.  It's Joey.  And anyone who didn't think so was either a) dumb b) just trying to be different or c) dumb.  Joe (his grown-up name) is still the hottest.  Kudos to you, young man.  However, if I were to be forced to hang out with a New Kid in modern time, I would pick Donnie.  He seems the most relatable to me.  We could drink beers and talk about basketball and Boondock Saints (I just have a feeling he likes that movie too) and why his stupid brother was such a jerk to me when I met him in Vegas in 2004.  It would be swell.

Then of course there are the other two, the brother and the guy with the arms.  A friend asked me if I knew how old Danny Wood was, to which I responded, "Who?" Obviously, he never made much of an impression on me.   I was, however, pleasantly surprised to see that he has been lifting all the weights since the 90s.  So. Many.  Muscles.

Here's the real kicker of the night though, the last third of the show was quite provocative.  So many pelvic thrusts.  I was a little confused, as I had fond memories of bubble gum poppy music from five cute faces (really only 2 cute faces, who am I kidding).  But NKOTB has evolved into something new.  Something that humps the air.  And the stage.  And I don't know, I just don't think I was prepared for it.  I'm not saying I didn't like it, I'm just saying, I didn't see it coming.

It was a super fun night with college friends and show choir dance moves.   I heard ridiculous questions such as, "Did Left Eye actually only have one eye?  No?  Then why the eye patch?"  When you delve into the complex questions, you know it was a good time.  I'd go so far to say it had all the Right Stuff.

I'm sorry.  I had to.

Sports Shorts

I bet you thought I wouldn't write about sports for a while, because none of MY teams are playing at the moment.  And what does Kathy actually know about sports in general?  You doubted me, and that is fair.  Wrong, but fair.

I like to keep my sports knowledge at just a high enough level that I come across smarter than I actually am.  This is actually my entire philosophy in life.  Buzz words.  Jargon.  Fake it till you make it.

I apply this philosophy to sports like golf.  I'm a fringe golf fan.  And by fringe, I mean, I don't really follow it.  I enjoy watching it live, ala the Phoenix Open.  But that was more about people watching and heckling.  Sidenote: I love to heckle.  In all honesty, I cheer for a select few on the PGA tour: guys who played at OSU and Bubba Watson.  And that's about it.

As you might of heard, the highly reliable publication Sports Illustrated released an anonymous poll last week of the most overrated players on the tour, as voted on by the players themselves.  And Rickie Fowler found himself atop the results.  Hunter Mahan garnered quite a few votes himself.  Obviously, none of the voters have seen the Golf Boys video.  Or maybe they had and had sad feelings that they weren't part of the club.  Or maybe they didn't really poll players, they just polled Thayer Evans and he voted for OSU guys...it's hard to know the rationale, really.

So Rickie Orange Pants punched back and won in very impressive style at the Players Championship.  A tip of the flat bill to you, my friend (we're not friends, I totally wish we were though).  Take that, ya anonymous jerks.   Maybe next time when asked to participate in a catty popularity poll, you'll think twice.  Don't pick on my Pokes, Pistol Pete might just shoot you.  (This blog does not condone gun violence.  Hug more, shoot less).

It's also important to note that his smokin' hot girlfriend who had Twitter all abuzz is a Sundevil. Like me.  And by pointing that out, I just pulled a total Vanderbilt.  You know how all the SEC schools like to talk about how the SEC is so dominant, and you're all, "But you're Vanderbilt.  You aren't really good at anything.  You're the Northwestern of the SEC.  You're only here for your brains."  I'm kind of like that with ASU.  They have quite the reputation for attractive students.  And sure, I went there for my graduate degree, and was a member of  the graduate and professional students association, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.  I earned my degree just like all of those freakishly good looking people did, ergo we are the same.  Rickie Fowler's girlfriend and Kathy: Sundevils.

A few other sports-related items for your reading pleasure:

.......kudos to the NBA for going all March Madness on us.  I'm an so down for buzzer beaters.  If you guys start storming the court, I'm totally in.........I watched the 30 for 30  on the Detroit Pistons last week.  I made the decision while watching that Bill Laimbeer may be my most favorite NBA player of all time.  I'm pretty sure he represents every thing I believe.  Let's face it, sometimes you just have to throw a hard elbow to the face to get your point across (It is becoming more unclear if I might actually condone violence after all)..........I signed up to take the Sports Jeopardy test next week. I do things like this to ensure humility.  Because no matter how much you think you know, any time I've taken a test like this, I've left thinking, "How would anyone know the answer to that?"  But if they happen to only ask questions about Oklahoma State, Kevin Durant, or the BIG 8/BIG XII, I should knock this sucker out of the park.  I'm also very good at sports jargon, I aced that test in my 8th grade journalism class.  I predict this will go very, very well.