That's a Beautiful Shade of Brown You're Wearing

I'm going on safari in less than a week.  With six days left to pack, I need to pull myself together and figure out what I'm taking.  Unfortunately, I don't own a beautiful frock as is pictured above, so I've got some work to do.

Here are a few things you need to know to fully understand the pickle I find myself in.

1. You can't wear colors while in the bush.  Seriously.  You have to wear neutrals and browns.
2. I was pretty positive that animals were color blind, so I was confused by these rigid rules.  However, I did some internet research (the very best and most accurate kind), and discovered that animals are not color blind.  I won't go into detail, if you would like to read up on what colors animals can see, please click here   I would like to point out that in this wikianswers article in all caps was the phrase: CLARIFICATION: TURTLES ARE NOT COLOR BLIND! Whoa.  Apparently turtles have been misrepresented in the media.
3. I don't own brown clothes.  I own orange clothes.  Bright colors and patterns.  Fun clothes.  Brown clothes are not fun.  They are boring and sad...the opposite of fun, and therefore the opposite of Kathy.
4. I've been on safari before.  Five years ago.  Didn't own brown clothes then either.  So I went to the Gap, bought brown shirts and pants and got rid of them last summer.  Whoopsie.

Okay, so now that I've set the scene, you see what I'm up against.  I figured I had a few options.  

1. Buck the system.  Wear what I want, stand up to those animals.  Show them they can't dictate my wardrobe.  I don't answer to you, hyena.  This stance lost a little of its support once I realized animals aren't actually color blind.  I mean I talk a big game, but an angry hippo/elephant/water buffalo is not something I want to come in contact with.
2. Dress like the animals themselves.  It works for them.  I could channel my inner Peg Bundy, cover myself in leopard, zebra, cheetah, and giraffe print.  And believe me, there is plenty of animal print out there.  While at Academy Sports, I ran across these two pair of shorts.  You'll notice the one on the top is a little more understated.  No splatter paint.

3. Or, I could just conform.  Find some bland clothes and just give in.  Sigh.  You beat me this time, Africa.

So Husband, because he's so kind, agreed to go shopping with me.  This should come as no surprise, but bland brown clothes aren't "in."  I was in for a challenge.  First stop, Old Navy.  Lucky for me, they have lots of poop-brown clothes...in clearance.  Bad news, Husband kept picking out VERY large clothing for me.  Like size 20 and XXL.  Kath's feelings were hurt.  Tear.

Next stop, Academy's camping section.  My own personal hell.  The day you see Kathy camping is the day I  say something nice about possums.  Will not happen.  Anywho, as I perused around, I realized not only are there no neutral colored jackets but camping/hunting clothing is non-Kathy friendly.  Ick.

On a side note, you can thank the likes of Rickie Fowler for the trend of brightly colored/obnoxious active wear.  There are literally NO neutral colored activewear items in the OKC metro area.  Granted I only went to three stores, but that small sample taught me a lot.  Pink, bright green, blue, yellow, anything that resembles a highlighter is what people are wearing these days.  I wonder if I dress like Rickie how the animals would react.  Maybe they have just never been exposed to such flare.  I mean they have embraced the zebras, why can't they learn to love orange and pink?

Until I build up the courage to wear bright colors in the bush, you can find me in army green, tan, brown, and khaki.  Such a sad day for Kathy.