Sports Shorts

I love this picture.  I love that the lady in the middle is approximately 450 years old.  Go on with your old self.  Thunder Up!  Just don't break your hip.

So remember when I said I was going to try to organize this blog and I'd write about certain things on certain days?  Well that lasted for two glorious days.  I got a little too ambitious.  If I didn't have anything else to do, like care for a human child, work at a real job, clean my dwelling space, etc, I could pull this off.  I've yet to figure out how to get someone to pay me to write this blog.  Until I do, you will all just have to take what I give you.  My new revised plan is to group my blogs into four main categories: weekend recaps, things that annoy me, pop culture observations and sports.  That basically covers everything I know about anyway.  If I ever travel again, I'll throw in a travel category.  So today, I'm going to talk to you about sports.  Go! Fight! Win!

It's playoff time in the NBA, which means Kathy is officially back on the bandwagon.  I'm very open and honest about my fandomness.  I love the Thunder, I want them to win every game.  But my focus from November to March is on Oklahoma State basketball.  It is my first love.  Okay, my first love was Dylan McKay, but OSU basketball still has my heart.  (Dylan could not be trusted, he was never the same once his dad was "murdered.")  Once the college basketball season wraps, I'm all in...sort of.  I mean, seriously, there are SO many games.  I went to three Thunder games this year and every one was a blow out win.  Unlike the Cowboys, the Thunder are consistently good and you don't have to worry about high stress levels during every game.  I think that's why they pay them the big bucks.

I also keep up with the team via local sports radio.  I listen to these hacks analyze every dribble and jump shot.  Basically, whatever they say, I choose to believe the opposite.  It has served me right so far.  Once the playoffs start, they really up their "sky is falling" analysis.  I would call them morons, but I'm the one who listens, so I think we all know who the moron is here.  Stupid Kathy.

So here we are, playing James Harden and the Rockets. Husband made the announcement that he was going to cheer for the Rockets.  Oh come on! Are you doing this just to annoy me?  Husband took it hard when the Thunder and Harden broke up.  Very hard.  He's all, "I can't believe the fans are being this way," and I'm all, "Get over it.  This is what Oklahoma City fans are like."  And he's all, "That's stupid.  He was going to make more money."  And I'm all, hand to the face, brah.  Not really.  But I really would like to end an argument that way.  #pipedreams

Don't get me wrong, I miss the Beard more than anyone.  I wish desperately that he was still with the Thunder.  I'm hoping for a Steve Nash-like story, that he'll come back to us, like that crazy Canadian did with the Suns.  What a happy ending... minus him bailing for the Lakers.  But sometimes, things happen in sports that make you mad.  For example, I wanted the Broncos to draft Dez Bryant in 2010 draft.  They chose not to due to supposed "character issues" (boy were they wrong!).  They instead chose to draft Tim Tebow.  The worst quarterback ever.  I continued to cheer for Denver despite this decision.  I cringed with every throw, hoping the receiver would grow two feet by divine intervention in order to catch the wobbly ball.  I even started to believe that maybe Tebow was best friends with Jesus.  How else could you explain the wins?  I did all of this, in the name of sports.

Kathy rises above.  She is so mature and wise.  Husband makes pictures like this.

Cool picture.  Your Photoshop skills are top notch.  I also feel like this picture accurately demonstrates that I am not the only obnoxious person living in our house.

Let's all regroup and touch base in Round 2.  If we are playing the Clippers, I'm hoping for a monster dunk on Griffin's face with a mean mug following.  Don't care who does it.  Just want to see it.  Twice.

Well, that's annoying

How funny is this picture?  I love Google image searching.  You just type something random in, and Google rewards you with a menagerie of jpegs.  I'm going to go ahead and state that Google is one of my favorite things in the world.  OSU sports, salt and Google.  Four thumbs up.

So remember how a couple of days ago, I asked you all for insight into what I should write about?  Well, no one responded.  And that's all well and good, but I must push on.  Onward and upward!  To Hell and back! You get the picture.

I'm dedicating Wednesdays to things that annoy me.  Lucky for you, the list is endless.  It's part of my charm.

So here's my short list for this week:

1. At my new job, I park in a parking garage.  The space are somewhat small, so I push that fancy button that folds the side mirrors on my car in each morning.  And every time I do, I am startled by my own reflection.  I instantly think someone is in the car with me.  Every.  Single. Time.  I have a master's degree.  I should be smarter than this.

2. This weather is so dumb.  Raise your hand if you are tired of me complaining about the weather.  Yes, you in the back.  You know how this could be remedied?  If the freakin' weather would start acting like spring.  Sun.  Shine.  Pull it together, Oklahoma.  Also, weatherpeople, I know your job is hard, because it's determined by God.  I get that, I do.  But can you bring the apocalyptic descriptors down a notch?  In case anyone was keeping score, there were no tornadoes, or monster hail, and no cataclysmic meteors.  I ended up wearing my tornado helmet to bed for no reason at all.

3. I woke up this morning tired and a little grumpy.  I was also super hungry.  On a total impulse move, I threw a tub of hummus and a bag of pita chips in my purse on the way out the door.  I'm sure you are thinking, how big is your purse, Kathy?  Pretty big.  It's kind of like luggage.  Three small forest animals could live inside it.  I don't typically bring side dishes/party food/appetizers to work to eat for breakfast.  But that's what I was in the mood for this morning.  I'm a trend setter.  Very mavericky. (<<---not a real word).  As I settled into my desk, I started to feel just a touch silly for having a large bag of pita chips and an industrial sized tub o' hummus.  I had about a 7 minute internal battle trying to decide if I wanted to actually go through with it.  Finally, I took a deep breath and decided to just embrace being the weirdo in the cube along the wall.  I pulled out the pita chips first (opened them under the desk to avoid immediate detection) and then fished out the hummus.  I was ready to embrace my inner Mediterranean.  And then I discovered the hummus was covered in mold.  No morning snack.  No smushed chickpeas. No bueno. Sad Kathy.

I blame the girl in the car with me this morning.  Obviously, she not only likes to scare me, but she also likes to crush my healthy snacking dreams.

Weekend Recap

I'm making an attempt to organize this blog a little.  Please contain your excitement, you're embarrassing yourself.  (embarrassing is a word I never spell right the first two times I try, see previous post in regards to irony).  I follow a very cute blog that is organized in a very cute way. She offers tips and links and whatnot.  Her blog actually provides something good for society.  Every time I read her blog, I think, "Kath, get it together!  You should do this!"  But then I remember that my blog doesn't really offer anything other than sarcasm, observations, and a funny story from time to time.  But who says I can't organize my sarcasm?  No one, that's who.  So I'm going to try to stick with a schedule.  Feel free to suggest a "topic" I should work into the weekly schedule.  I'm open to your ideas, as long as they are good ones.  Keep your bad ideas to yourself.

My weekend was not as exciting as you might expect a 30-something with a six month old baby might be.  We had a nice little Saturday planned.  We were going to Home Depot to pick out some wallpaper, then maybe we'd hit Bed Bath and Beyond...

On Saturday day/night I got to see three old high school friends.  We all wore flannel and Dr Martens to keep it authentic.  We talked about drinking wine coolers at the Fairfield Inn one wild weekend back in the day.  And every time I'm with this particular group of girls I think of playing no-brakes in my father's El Camino (Spanish for "the road").  Driving around winding streets never hitting the breaks.  It was really fun...and looking back on it, a really, really good decision.  Please don't tell my mom.  I can promise you that 16 years later, she still wouldn't find humor in it.

Saturday night I got home in time to watch the Syracuse vs. Michigan game.  I was conflicted.  I don't ever cheer for Michigan.  It's not that I cheer against them, I just cheer for whoever is playing them.  So I suppose that's cheering against them.  I don't really have a good reason for this anti-wolverine feeling, except when I lived in Michigan, I liked Michigan State better.  And I like Ohio State.  I like that they sing to Hang On Sloopy and who doesn't love Script Ohio?  See?  It's all legitimate.  Like science.  But Michigan was playing Syracuse, who I NEVER cheer for.  I hate Syracuse.  I actually have a good reason for not liking Syracuse...Gerry McNamara.  I try to keep this blog family friendly, so I'll keep my true feelings to myself.  But let's just say Kathy isn't a fan.  Boooo Gerry McNamara.  Boo!  And they had that kid Eric Devendorf who punched girls.  Seriously, who is cheering for these hoodlums? And I'm just going to say it....I don't like Jim Boeheim.  I know he's a legend.  I know that I'm supposed to respect him.  But I don't.  Don't like him one bit.  And I think his zone is stupid.

So I cheered for Michigan.  And they won.  Obvi, God is on my side.

Finally, I managed to use the phrase, "Straight cash money, homey," twice this weekend.  Once while talking to Spencer.  What can I say?  I go hard.

There's a fly in my Chardonnay

Remember Alanis Morissette's little ditty about irony?  Isn't it ironic?  Don't you think?  And remember how nothing in the song was actually ironic, it was just bad luck.  I remember thinking, "God, does she not understand irony?"  I was so annoyed.  And yet, as I was contemplating this blog in my head, a mental rough draft if you will, I realized that the irony of the song is that nothing is ironic.  And maybe that's what she intended...and if so, Alanis Morissette is a Canadian genius!  That Joey Gladstone let a good one slip away.  Cut. It. Out.

Anywho, I had a couple of ironic things happen to me this week, and thought what better way to jump back into my poor abandoned blog than a theme.  Like I've said a million times before...you're welcome.

The other day on the facebook or "the book" as I like to call it, I saw a post from someone that was pretty ridiculous.  I have to keep this very vague because I do not want to libel anyone in anyway.  Okay, I don't actually care if I libel anyone, but I don't want the retaliation that comes with such actions.  I'm all grown up now.  Gots me a kid and everything.  So this person told about something they did with their very young child.  I was relaying the story to Husband over dinner.  "Nice parenting, huh?" I asked with snark and judgement oozing from my lips.  We laughed at what a bad parent this person was.  Two minutes later, Husband pointed out to me that our six month old daughter was eating a napkin while sitting on my lap. I was caught up in conversation, I failed to realize that she had pulled the napkin to shreds with her gummy trap.  I had to fish the napkin out of her mouth, since the doctor didn't say anything about "paper products" being worked into her diet.  Hmmmm.  Ironic.  Maybe I should stop judging other people and focus more on my child who is going through a Billy Goat phase of trying to eat everything.  I'm thinking of sticking her in the backyard to deal with the overgrown grass.

The next day, while at work (new job, less football speak/more Corporate America and stock options.  Yay!) I was researching the environmental benefits of using ebill.  As I was fully immersed in data mining and finding all kinds of fun facts on going green (Go Green!  Go White!  Oh wait, that's Michigan State...) I was printing off all of my great findings.  Hey look, New Boss!  I'm so great at researching I've found gobs and gobs of relevant information!  See how great it is to use ebill and save paper and trees! See! See!  Everything you need to know...is on this huge stack of paper.  That I just wasted.  I swear Smokey the Bear was probably crying somewhere in a forest.  Ok, I know that Smokey the Bear isn't really tied to going green, but does that movement even has a mascot?  I feel like they don't, so I'm going with Smokey because he should fall under the "don't hurt the Earth" umbrella.  So I have lots of great statistics on why going paperless is good for the environment on a big stack of papers on my desk.  Such a sad irony.

And finally, I found irony in having to wear my winter coat in April.  Actually, I didn't find it ironic, I found it super annoying.  It's April.  Bring on the sunshine.  This lingering winter is stupid.  And I don't approve.  You know what this cold weather is like?  Ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.  (On a serious note, can you imagine being anywhere with 10,000 spoons?  That would be amazing.  Ironically, I'd like to find this land of spoons).

I don't like your girlfriend

I haven't really blogged about Cowboy Basketball much this year.  There are several reasons/excuses.  I made a human and she surprisingly takes up a lot of time; I took a blogging sabbatical; I'm a little lazy.  All of those things are true.  But on the day that Saint Valentine sent letters from his prison cell (is that even the correct story?), I'd like to tell you a little story.  Even if you aren't a sports fan (what the hell is wrong with you?) you'll probably like it.

There once was a guy named Henry (OSU basketball).  Everyone liked Henry.  He was a good guy, very consistent in his behavior.  He was no Jeremy (KU basketball), but that was okay.  Jeremy is a little obnoxious.  Henry started dating Allison (Eddie Sutton) and she was an instant hit with all his friends.  She was a local girl who really brought Henry out of his shell.  He was so fun now that Allison was by his side.  You found yourself making excuses for skipping out on your responsibilities because you wanted to hang out with Henry and Allison all the time.

As a couple, they were the best.  She loved him so, and he shined so bright in her presence.  Everyone benefited from their relationship.  They were seriously the most fun couple.  Remember when you vacationed with them in Seattle in '95?  Randy Rutherford and Brooks Thompson were there.  Gosh, that was SO fun!  And remember when you took that little weekend getaway to San Antonio in 2004?  OMG, the best!  Sure, you got your credit cards stolen (losing to Georgia Tech), but it was such a fun trip otherwise.

It was hard to think of Henry and not think of Allison.  That's how perfect they were together.  They were your very favorite couple.

And then the unthinkable happened....Henry broke up with Allison.  It was sudden.  It was unexpected.  And it was shocking.  Allison was heartbroken.  But more importantly, YOU were heartbroken.  How could Henry do this? They were your go-to couple.  Double dates, trips, weddings, happy hours...you name it, you were always with Henry and Allison.  Who were you supposed to hang out with now?

Deep down, you knew Henry didn't have any other choice.  It was just such a bitter pill to swallow.  After a little dating around, Henry started dating a new girl, Amy (Travis Ford).  You instantly hated her.  She wasn't as pretty as Allison, she wasn't funny and witty like Allison.  She wasn't Allison!  And you just weren't going to forgive her for that.  And where did he even find Amy?  She wasn't even from here!  Everyone knew that if Henry and Allison ever broke up, he was supposed to date Hannah (Bill Self).  But stupid Hannah had started dating Jeremy when Henry and Allison were still together.  You didn't really care, because whatever, you like Hannah and you want her to be happy.  But now that Henry was single, she was supposed to break up with Jeremy and coming running into Henry's arms.  Everyone knew this.  Stupid, stupid, Hannah.  Just break up with Jeremy.  Sure, he has great clothes, dreamy eyes and a great job.  So what!  He's no Henry.

So here we are with Henry and Amy, the new couple.  You have refused to give her a chance, hoping she would just go away or Henry would dump her for someone shinier.

"Sure, she has a nice body (recruiting class)," you say.  "But she dresses so dowdy.  She doesn't do anything with her figure!  And what happens when she stops dieting (Marcus Smart goes to the pros)?  Huh?  What happens then?  She'll be chubby again.  Allison was never chubby."

"I hate the way she throws parties! (runs plays) Amy's parties are filled with loud music and dancing.  It's so chaotic!  Allison's parties were so sophisticated (defense). I'd rather just stay home!"

"Amy and Henry aren't as fun as he and Allison were.  We used to always win trivia with them.  Now we consistently finish in the middle.  And forget about playing darts (away games).  Amy can't even hit the board.  Allison was much more fun."

But let me share something with you...Amy's not so bad.  I've been on her side from the beginning, and I LOVED Allison.  We are still very close.  Actually, in my mind, we're very best friends.  But Henry is with Amy now.  Allison isn't coming back.  Ever.  And I'm a loyal friend.  I've been friends with Henry since the 80s, I'm not giving up on him now.  So it's just been me, Husband, Henry and Amy hanging out.  Sure it's a little lonely, but I've never waivered.

So on this Valentine's Day, I beg of you...stop being a jerk.  Just accept Amy already.  We can go back to the good ol' days of rowdy behavior.  Lamp shades on our heads, swinging from the chandeliers.  This could all be yours again.  Show up this Saturday at Gallagher Iba Arena.  Dwight (OU basketball) will be there.  And remember how fun it is to tease and make fun of Dwight?  I'll be there.  Husband and baby will be there.  Even Allison will be there.  She's gotten over the break up.  Why haven't you?

I don't think so, buddy

Listen up, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, I don't want your ugly necklace. I'll be happy when Valentine's Day is over so you can stop monopolizing the television with your jewelry hawking.  Enough.  I don't care how many times you tell me that if I keep my heart open love will find a way in.  Your necklace looks like a cobra.  That doesn't make me think of love.  Cobras make me think of Karate Kid (put him in a bodybag, yeah!) and Rikki Tikki Tavi.  If Husband were to buy me an Open Heart Necklace for Valentine's Day, I wouldn't think, "Wow, he loves me so much!" I would think, "Why does he hate me?"  I'm not sure the jewelry of preference for women in 1867 Colorado Springs (I had to google Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman because I didn't know anything about it.  After reading the Wikipedia page, I feel like I probably didn't miss out on anything.  Lauren Ingalls Wilder owns you Dr. Quinn), but here in present day 'Merica, your necklace is dumb.

 

Side note: Blogger hates me today, and I can't figure out how to add this image as a thumbnail.  Urgh.  Technology.  I thought about leaving it out, but really, this argument needs a visual aid.

I've wanted to share my annoyance of the Open Heart/Cobra necklace for quite some time now.  Actually, I originally wanted to blog about it in December  (she makes a big push around the holidays too), but I was waiting for something else to complain about to round out the blog.  And then last week I found my other topic...

I was watching the Today show while I got the baby ready for her day.  Don't worry, once she's a little more aware, I'll put something on the television that is actually educational and valuable.  For  now, I choose to watch these yahoos on NBC and see what wacky situation Al Roker will get himself in next!  Zany!  Anyway, they had a reporter doing a story from Sochi, Russia, home of the 2014 Winter Olympics.  I don't remember exactly what the story was, other than they pointed out that it's a resort town with warm weather in the winter.  Don't worry though, the mountains surrounding Sochi have plenty of snow. Whew!  Close one.  The reporter then said, "They have a saying here in Sochi: If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes." My head popped up and I informed Spencer that that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Let me give you a little back story.  Please read the entire thing before you judge.  When I moved to Michigan, several people  said to me, "You know what they say about Michigan, if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes."  I found this ridiculous for two reasons 1. The weather in Michigan is pretty consistent.  Snow, snow, snow, snow.  Cloudy/overcast/40 degrees.  Snow.  Cloudy/overcast/40 degrees.  Sunshine for seven days.  And then snow again.  The weather isn't really their selling point.  Funny accents and hockey, that's where the money's at.  And 2. Everyone knows that Will Rogers said that.  And when he said it, he was talking about Oklahoma.    Geez, these northerners know nothing!

So, I had my pithy blog all ready to go.  I was going to point out how you can't just say, "we have a saying," when in fact, it's not your saying, you're just stealing it and applying it to your situation.  It's like saying, "You know what they say about Oklahoma City....whatever happens in OKC, stays in OKC."  Not applicable.  So I did a quick Google search, or as I like to call it, "fact checking," and discovered that it was in fact Mark Twain who said that and he was not talking about Oklahoma.  The exact quote is, "If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes."

Dammit!  I hate being wrong.  I mean, I really, really, really hate being wrong.  I basically get up each day knowing how right I'm going to be.  I feel as if I've been hoodwinked.  Someone, somewhere along the way told me this was about Oklahoma.  I probably just made up the fact that Will Rogers said it, because sometimes I embellish.  I don't even know what to do with this new found knowledge.  I feel like I should go back to Michigan and apologize to all those people that I snarkily (<-- new word I just invented) corrected.  As soon as the sun comes out up there, I'll get right on that.

That's kind of my thing...

These are the things that are currently on my mind...

...I just referred to myself as a BA in an email to Husband.  I then went on to tell him that I will be referring to myself as a BA from this point forward, and a BAMF when I do something super awesome.  I've decided that's my new thing.  Until I forget it's my thing and move on to something else...

...I really want a sour cream gun.  Can civilians buy these?  If so, I'd like one in  my stocking this year, sans sour cream.  Every time I fix a baked potato or a taco on Taco Tuesday, I think, "Why is sour cream so hard to maneuver?"  And that commercial is crap.  Who wants a dollop?  I want my sour cream spread out.  I want the gun.  And I may or may not make laser beam sounds when I shoot it on my food...

...Arts and crafts with a baby are hard.  Last week, the ladies at daycare told me Spencer was advanced.  Apparently, I processed that information as, "Your daughter is a savant."  I researched lots of cute arts and crafts projects on Pinterest with high hopes of cuteness galore.  The funny thing about Pinterest is that no one tells you, "A 10 week old can't do this project, you moron."  So I bought paint and glitter and all the accoutrements.  I ended up with a baby covered in green and red paint and seven failed attempts at homemade keepsakes.  The dog was barking and running in circles, I yelled at Husband because he couldn't get our advanced daughter's feet properly on the paper to make perfect Christmas trees, it was a really fun family moment.  No idea why I think I'm Martha Stewart.  I much more resemble the SNL spoof version of Martha who puts pretty bows on bags of poo...

...I'm salty about all this talk of Mike Gundy leaving.  Who knows if he will, but my gut is saying he will.  Because this is what being an OSU fan is all about.  I waited my entire life for us to be relevant in football.  I stuck with this team one disappointing season after another.  "Just give them more time," was my mantra.  And then it came.  2011 was like a wonderful dream amongst fluffy clouds of touchdowns.  And what do I get as a follow up?  A bleh-filled 7-5  season with my coach bailing to an uglier orange.  Thanks Universe.  Thanks for bringing me back to reality...

...There has been a significant shift in the space time continuum.  Our household can no longer yell during sports.  I'm devastated.  Yelling during sports is kind of my release of all stress in my life.  When I yell, "Rebound!" or "Holding!" I feel better about life.  My advanced baby doesn't feel so good about it.  We learned this during Bedlam as Blake Bell rumbled into the endzone with 45 defenders hanging off of him. Then this past Saturday, as my Pokes lost the ability to tackle, my baby cried as if she had been stuck with a hot poker...in the eye.  Imagine my mood as my football team was refusing to win and my baby suffering emotional trauma.  Maybe she could read the writing on the wall that Gundy was leaving.  It makes me want to cry too...