Wednesday, February 3, 2016

It's not me, it's you

I don't know how to say this...but it's time to break up.  There I just said it.  Travis Ford, I'm breaking up with you.  To the left, to the left.  Everything you own is in a box to the left.

I just sat through another disappointing Cowboy basketball game.  Husband and dog both fell asleep so I was alone to suffer through the joke of a game.  Yay me!  Just keep suffering.  Builds character.

I was thinking while I watched it spiral out of control AGAIN about how this is kind of like dating.  Dating in college.  So join me as I draw the comparison, won't you?  I should also note that this analysis is not reflective of any real life people, relax.  It's all hypothetical.  If you recognize certain traits, well, I mean, whatever.

So, you start dating a new guy, comes off the heels of the best boyfriend you could ever have (Eddie Sutton) but unfortunately it had to end and then kind of a mess of a boyfriend (Sean).  No one really knows anything about your new boyfriend, Travis.  Friends and family are skeptical, but you're all, "No it's cool.  It's time to date a different kind of guy.  This will be great.  Trust me."

Travis has a lot of good qualities.  He's good looking (great recruiting), he comes from a good family (former Kentucky player/Pitino protege), and he's loaded.  Fantastic.  Superficially this guy is going to be great.

The problem is that Travis is total and complete spaz in public.  You never know what you are going to get.  One night he's super impressive and your friends are like, "I really like him!  Way to go, Kath!" *high five emoji*  And then you take him to a party and he starts telling really inappropriate jokes and everyone is staring at you and wondering what the hell is wrong with Travis.  And you're wondering, "Why did I sign a 10-year lease with this guy after three good dates?"  Frick!

But you stick with him.  He really has good traits.  Really.  And he seems to be growing up.  Maturing. For example, you took him to a date party and he was on his best behavior (KU game, you pick the year).  He was a good dancer, he bought shots all around, he was AWESOME.  But then three days later, you guys went out to the bar, and he got so drunk he threw up down his shirt.  And you find yourself AGAIN saying, "Dammit Travis!  Stop throwing up on yourself!" 

How did you become the girl who dates the guy who keeps barfing on himself?  Freshman year was kind of understandable, because freshman don't really know what they are doing.  But you're seniors now.  Get it together for the love of everything holy.  How many times do you have to be embarrassed before you say, "You know what?  I'm tired of having to go home early.  I want a new boyfriend."

Well, that time is now.  New boyfriend, STAT.  And sure, your options are somewhat limited.  You've lost most of your friends (fans), so you are kind of a loner.  But you still look good and have a great sense of humor, and you're back in the gym.  Beauty is on the inside and someone out there will notice you.

Who?  Who is it that you want to date, Kathy?  Well, obviously there's your Jake Ryan: Bill.  Everyone knows he loves you, deep down.  And sure, he's been dating the hottest girl on campus...but she isn't that great.  She's starting to let herself go.  Maybe now's your time.  Or maybe not.  What's the worst that could happen?  He could say no.  But you are currently dating someone who peed in the corner of the bar last weekend, it can't really get worse.

But you know who else is out there?  The guy who is your biggest fan?  He's good friends with your favorite best ex-boyfriend.  And he really likes you.  Like REALLY likes you.  And he's a philosopher, he looks at things in the big picture.  Maybe it's time to date an intellectual, no?  And sure, he hasn't really dated much, he's focused more on studying, but why not take a risk?  Here's the kicker: your friends love him.  They will want to hang out with you again.  At the moment, you are sad.  And you are lonely.  And frankly you stink.  It's time for a change.  Take the risk.

Break up with Travis.  Date Doug.

1 comment:

  1. Travis Ford is a terrible basketball coach. He does not have a clue what to do in a pressure situation.
    Just last night against Texas Tech we just have a time out and we have the ball, we score and we win.
    Do we come out of the time out with a Travis Ford play. The answer is not we dribble the ball most of the time clock and then rush to score and have a turnover. This is not just one time this is hundreds of times since he has been coach. I just know Eddie Sutton can not believe what has happened to the team he rebuilt. Don Dunn OKC