Letters: She's not even that pretty

Sometimes I roll my eyes so hard, I give myself a headache.  This is my current state when talking college football.  I'm having lots of "oh come on" and "puh-lease!" moments.  I've reached maximum capacity on annoyance.  Let's delve in and see what all the fuss is about, shall we?

Dear Oregon,

STOP LOSING TO ARIZONA!  I am having a hard time putting together the right words to express my annoyance with you.  Quit it.  They aren't even good.  I mean, if you want to lose to an Arizona school, lose to the Sundevils.  Arizona can't even decide if their mascot is a boy or girl, so they have one of each.  Does that sound like a school that deserves a "big win"?  No it does not. Also, you are hurting my credibility when I continue to tout the strength of the PAC 12.  You've upset me.  Again.

For the love of Quackers!

Kathy

Dear College Football Pollsters, 

Okay, as much as this pains me to say, I assume that with dumb Arizona's big win, they will appear in the top 15 next week.  That is the formula, right?  Unranked/unbeaten team beats top 10 team and then vaults into relevancy?  Because that's what happened with Mississippi State.  Never did it occur to anyone that maybe LSU is just having a down year and they might have been overrated to start the season.  Nope.  If one SEC team beats another, it means the conference is stacked.  So much talent. Hashtag: eye roll.

You know what your behavior reminds me of?  When one popular high school boy decides that some random girl is hot.  And then all of a sudden, everyone thinks she's hot.  And then everyone wants to date her.  And I'm over here saying, "Seriously?  Just because Joe Bob Quarterback thinks she's hot, everyone else does too?  SHE'S NOT EVEN THAT PRETTY!"  And are we sure we should follow his judgement?  He's flunking geometry, and that's by far the easiest math.  As Sara Rue once said in Can't Hardly Wait: you're all sheep.

I clearly see through your ruse,

KHR

Dear State of Mississippi,

I'm looking forward to after this weekend not having to pretend like we should care about anything that comes out of Mississippi, except for you mudpies.  Worth noting, I actually have nothing against the state itself. I hear the coast is beautiful.  I just hate the love affair with the SEC.  Someone's got to be the martyr, Mississippi.  No hard feelings.

Lylas,

Kath

Dear University of Michigan,

There's this phrase, "dumpster fire," you might be familiar with seeing as you are the home to Detroit.  (I kid...but I saw 8 Mile, I know what I'm talking about).  I'd say dumpster fire is an adequate term for the current state of affairs with your program.  As someone with absolutely no invested interest, I'm enjoying the show.  So keep it up!  Protest, march, band together!  You guys should plan a protest under the giant Las Vegas message board.  Oh, what's that?  It was causing people to crash their cars because it was so distracting?  Anyway, you guys get together, before it starts snowing, which should be any day now, and march to demand change.

I even have a chant for you.  It's Pure Michigan, if I do say so myself.  "Geez o' Petes!  Fill the seats!"

You're welcome and bundle up!

A former resident

I feel better now that I got all that off my chest.  As always, Go Pokes!