I'm back and fully rested and recharged from a vacation to Arizona. 109 degrees will do that for you. It's like being at a sweat lodge, minus the crystals and meditating. I'm sure you are just itching to hear my thoughts on the OSU game, but you'll just have to wait. Later in the week, my pretties.
I thought I'd share with you a couple of conversations I had while vacationing in the desert. It's a little peek into the way Kathy's mind works. Fascinating stuff, for sure.
Husband and I dropped by a local sports bar to catch the Arizona State game. They were playing Weber State, which I learned from Wikapedia is in Utah. And that Damian Lillard went there. And that's about all I know about the fighting Webers. It's hard to really evaluate a game like that, because you start thinking, "My god, this is the greatest team on earth! Oh wait, where is the opponent from again? Have they always had a football program?" Anyway, when games are a wash, I tend to focus on other things. On Thursday night, I focused on the huge gentleman who came in and sat at the table right next to us. He was no less than 6'5 and you could see his muscles through his shirt. The following conversation ensued:
Kathy: Is he someone? I feel like he is someone.
Husband: No idea.
*sits and stares at the back of his head*
Kathy: I just KNOW he is someone famous. He's way too big not to be famous.
Husband: *shrugs*
10 minutes later
Kathy: You know, if you weren't with me, I'd go up and ask him who he is.
Husband: *shrugs*
Kathy: Sometimes I feel like you are holding me back from being the person I want to be. And the person I want to be is the person who knows who he is.
After he left, I turned to Husband excitedly.
Kathy: Will you be embarrassed if I get up and look at his bill to see who he is?
Husband: Sorry. He paid with cash.
Kathy: GAH! Now I'm never going to know who he is! Thanks for nothing!
What I learned from this conversation: Next time, I'm taking the risk of embarrassing Husband and just asking. I could have made a famous friend. I will not let that opportunity pass me by again.
The next day, I headed off to the nail shop to fancy up my fingers. I knew it was overdue, but maybe not how much so, until Tom, the manicurist, set me straight.
Tom: Your cuticles. Very tough. VERY tough. It means you're healthy, but very ugly to look at
Tom: Been a long time since you have manicure, yes?
Kathy: Yep, it's been a while.
Tom: That's an understatement.
Tom: Next time you get on the scale, you will be two pounds lighter. Two pounds of cuticles, gone.
Tom: Just look at your nails. They look so much better. Your boyfriend, he will not run away from you now. Because he was probably planning on running away from you before. Now he will love you more.
What I learned from this conversation: If Husband doesn't love me now, I just don't know what else I can do.
As we arrived at the Phoenix Sky Harbor airport to head home, I had a bad feeling we weren't going to have a smooth travel day with the Tiny Human. I knew this because when she was told that we were going to get on the airplane she had a total and complete freakout because it wasn't happening at that very moment. Through tears and snot she yelled, "Airplane! Airplane! Airplane!" Then she dropped her pacifier on the floor and that caused what seemed to be the end of times. And let me just say, I'm being paid back in full for all those snide looks I gave to parents with crying kids in my 20s. The glares I receive are nothing short of death rays. Sometimes I can feel my skin burn.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret...when my child bows her back and throws herself to the floor and screams, she's not doing it because I'm a bad parent. She's doing it because she's insane. Cut me a little slack.
Following the two epic meltdowns within 15 minutes, we made it to security. The TSA agent gave me a "I couldn't be more annoyed with you if I tried," look and said the following:
Super Friendly Guy: Can she walk through? Or do you have to carry her?
Kathy: Depends. Do you want her to scream in your face?
*laughter from other passengers*
Super Friendly Guy (visibly irritated): It's up to you.
Kathy: Actually, it's not. I'll be carrying her.
What I learned from this conversation: Not everyone thinks I'm funny. Especially security personnel at the airport. Their loss.
And that my friends, is how Kathy does vacation. I wonder if I could put out a Craigslist "Missed Connection" for my sure-to-be best friendship. I'll be sure to mention that my cuticles are in great shape, so I'm super lovable.
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