Well, it's that time of year again, where Kathy dusts off the ol' wishing shoes and asks the universe for a few things before the season begins. I write down my wishes, tie them to a balloon string and watch them sail into the sky. Then the balloon gets caught in an electrical wire, bursts into flames and plummets to the ground. Just kidding, I threw that last part in for dramatic effect.
I've been open about my doubts on this season. I feel uneasy. My confidence is a little shaken. So as I was thinking about what it is that I really wanted from this year, I realized that my hopes and anticipation of each Cowboy season mirror my feelings about John Mayer. Stick with me, it will all make sense.
Don't Let Me Down. This doesn't have to be the best you've ever done. I really am okay with that. Let's all be honest, you may never replicate Continuum (2011 season). It was SO great. I mean SO great. When I think about it, I smile. There was one clunker, your cover of Bold as Love (Iowa State game), but on the whole, kudos. Slow clap for you, big guy. And you know, I don't think this has to be a Grammy-award winning album (College Football Playoff), but let's not end up in the $9.99 bin at Target one month out, okay?
One Big Hit. I have to have the big hit/win to help me survive. I have to. You have to give me something that gets radio play. Last year wasn't great...Paradise Valley was sub-par. But you gave me Wildfire (beating Baylor) and that was enough to power me through to basketball season, which also let me down. You just keep stringing me along with hints that you really are as great as I think you are and all will be well.
Maybe not so many guitar riffs. I've seen you in concert (watched games) approximately one million times. I get your schtick. And I understand you want to be authentic and try new things. I supported you when you ventured to the John Mayer Trio (hired a freakin' D2 coach from freakin' Shippensburg State), but maybe you can lay off the guitar riffs (complete and total lack of offensive creativity and adjustment). You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that last for like 13 minutes (4 straight series of 3 and outs)? I know YOU like them. But the fans aren't really down. Open it up. Play Comfortable (throw it down the field). I know you don't like to, but this isn't about you John. It's about me. I like that song (passing play), so just do it.
And that's it. I'm keeping my expectations reasonable. You know, no matter what you produce, I will still be loyal. People will continue to make fun of me for being faithful to you, but I believe in you. I really do. You're crazy some times, like dating Jessica Simpson or your ill-advised stand-up comedy career (Cowboys 4ever and letting Monken get away), but I know that you mean well.
Also, if the intro video didn't suck this year, that'd be swell. Music with words. Video of big hits. Broken bones. Spleen lacerations. I really don't need to see guys running wind sprints. You gonna show me running? Show me that video of Dez Bryant racing a horse. I can get behind that. *
Go Pokes.
*I couldn't make the connection to John with this one. He's a pacifist, doesn't translate.
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