Bathroom Politics

It's been a hot minute since you last heard from me, and boy have I learned a lot in that time.  I'm easily 75% smarter right now than I was this time last week.  If I keep going at this rate, I should be a genius in approximately 12 days.

So I bet you are wondering, "Wow, what has Kathy learned?"  I'm happy to share.  Sharing is caring.

On the walls of the stall.  Recently, on my way to Tulsa for a meeting, I made a quick stop at a seedy rest stop.  How seedy you ask?  They had showers available for truckers.  As I looked around the not-as-clean-as-I-had-hoped-for restroom, I noticed the following conversation written on a stall for all the world to see:

Citizen #1:  I wish I was a dog and Obama was a tree
Citizen #2: What are you going to do when you get healthcare, idiot*? (*another word was used here, but this is a family friendly blog)
Citizen #3: Impeach Obama!

And this is why this land is so grand, y'all.  Talkin' politics on the bathroom stall.  America!

Key takeaway:   I wasn't aware there were any Democrats in Oklahoma, let alone ones who were willing to fight for the Affordable Care Act by way of a Sharpie in a Shell station.  Hooray democracy!

Spellin' be hard.  Thanks to the handy red squiggly line that popped up as I was composing emails, I learned I do not know how to spell pretentious or gallivanting correctly.  In case you were wondering, they were two separate emails.  Because who has ever heard of pretentious gallivanting?  That doesn't even make sense.

Key takeaway: I don't seem to be able to spell a lot of the words I use.  I think this means I was meant to be an orator, not a writer.  Thinking about setting up some fireside chats to enlighten the masses.  I'm gonna get all FDR up in here.  We'll call them, "Carrying a big stick."  Also of note: history's not really my thing either.

Google knows best.  Last night, I spilled a tray of paint on the carpet.  On an awesome scale, 1 being a sinus infection on vacation and 10 being a YouTube video of a cat wearing socks, I'd say it fell at about -44. Instead of being understanding of the fact it was an accident and not an "on-purpose," Husband seemed pretty annoyed by the whole situation.  I couldn't believe it.  Kathy would never react that way.

I asked him to google how one goes about getting paint out of carpet.  And what do you know, but those geniuses inside my computer gave us the right answer.  You douse affected area with water and use a  Shop Vac to suck up your mistake.  I, of course, already own a Shop Vac because 1. I am my father's daughter and 2. My life is really just a series of accidents, spills and messes.

Key takeaway: Gloating is palpable.  I could actually hear the gleeful thoughts going through Husband's head.  "And you think I'M the klutz!" I'm going to remember that feeling and think of it the next time he breaks something....and I will show no mercy.

I'm still working out the topics of my first fireside chat, but I think it will include a story about how Husband spilled paint all over the floor and I remained calm and came to the rescue. Because as we all know, storytelling isn't about details, it's about delivery.