And of course by "great," I mean exhausting. It would be nice to have a little break. That's what summer is for, right? No offense MLB fans. I just need some down time, a little chance to recharge. Rebuild that foolish hope I have every season. It takes some time to convince myself, "This is going to be the year."
But not in our house. We can't stop watching sports. Ever.
We followed the Thunder through the playoffs with great intensity. I dragged myself into work many a day sleepy from the game the night before. We had to make an impromptu roadtrip to Iowa during the Western Conference finals, so the family and I tuned in via Sirius. And let me tell you, if you thought you were stressed out watching Game 6, imagine being me. Sitting in the backseat of a car hurling down the highway. I couldn't get up and pace, I couldn't turn the channel out of disgust or stress. I just had to sit there and listen. Like it was 1945. I listened, with my eyes closed repeatedly praying, "Please let them win! Please let them win!" In case you were wondering, the Heavenly Father doesn't seem to be in the business of answering Kathy's sports-related prayers. You would think after 30+ years of praying for wins, I would learn that it isn't going to happen.
Without missing a beat, we moved all our attention from professional basketball to college baseball. We attended the Super Regionals in Stillwater with great hope and anticipation.
When we got to our seats, the following interaction occurred.
Lady next to us: Oh! I was expecting Wendell!
What I wanted to say: I don't know who Wendell is.
What I did: Politely smiled
Clearly agitated woman: Did you buy your tickets outside?!
What I wanted to say: What is your problem, lady?
What I did say: No, we bought them through the website when they went on sale.
Flabbergasted lady: Gosh! I sure thought they would have sold them to the people who usually sit here.
What I wanted to say: This sounds like a personal problem, lady. I don't like you.
New Enemy: Are you guys in college?
Husband: No, no. Not for a long time.
Sweet woman: Well, you look young enough to be in college
What I wanted to say: I don't hate you anymore. I love you. You are so smart and observant.
What I did: Politely smiled
Cowboys lost both games. Sad trombone. Maybe next year.
So, it's time to relax. No more sporty sports, right? Wrong. So very wrong. For the World Cup starts this week. And I am married to a footie fan. Hooray! Non-stop soccer for weeks on end. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy soccer, but sometimes I need a break from the antics of those drama queen South Americans. Pull yourself together, man. You don't have to react like you've been hit by a sniper's bullet every time you're bumped. I'm starting to not believe you are actually hurt.
So as the "Greatest Sporting Event in the World" approaches, we watched a little tune-up match on Saturday between the Yanks and Nigeria. Here are two conversations you need to know about. Be forewarned that my knowledge of the US Men's National Team is limited.
Kathy: Does the old coach's son still play for us?
Husband: Yes, he's our best player.
Kathy: Really? What about Jozy Altidore?
Husband: *scoffing* FAR from it.
Kathy: Hmmmm
**following Altidore's two goals**
Kathy: So that guy who is "far from" the best player, he scored both goals, right?
Husband: You've made your point.
Husband: So close!
Tiny Human: So close!
Husband: Good ball!
Tiny Human: Good ball!
Husband: This could be fun. Can you say, USA! USA! ?
Tiny Human: OSA! OSA! OSA!
Kathy: Close. She's obviously an Okie at heart.
Tiny Human: ASU! ASU! ASU!
Kathy: Traitor!
Tiny Human: Traitor!
As you can see, we are firmly in the middle of a mockingbird phase. Everything you say is repeated. Everything. It's like a fun party trick that never ends. It also means that someone is going to have to change the way he watches sports. We are going to need to substitute the bad words for family-friendly expressions of anger. I'm a fan of Zoinks! Geez o' Petes! (a common expression in Michigan) and Blast! Obviously, when you yell "Blast!" you have to shake both fists in the air.
It's best to imagine you are in a Scooby Doo cartoon and respond accordingly.
Jeepers! June is going to be exciting!
Best part of Tiny Human's cheering was teaching her "Gooooooooal!" with fist pump included. Potential for best World Cup ever!
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