Letters: SEC, short pants, and dumb, smug faces

Dear SEC,

Haha suckers!  Maybe now we can move past being beat to death with the message that the SEC is the most dominant conference in the history of all of sports.  You're like the show Heroes.  At one point, you were the very best, nothing else could compare.  But then you ran out of ideas and got stale, and we're all moving on.  Save the cheerleader, save the world?  Sorry, the cheerleader is dead.  Urban Meyer killed her.

Sorry 'boutcha,

Kathy

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Dear Man I Walked Behind Today,

Your pants, they were such a strange length. I was intrigued.  They stopped right before the top of your combat boots.  Do people even call them combat boots any more?  Is that 1992 calling in the background?  Asking for their terminology back?  Anyway, I think they had to be that length on purpose.  Right?  They were kind of like capris, but not.  Because they were on a man.  They were like sensible mom pants for men.  They were truly high-waters.  I mean, if you were to get caught in high water, you'd be fine.  Maybe you are a trend-setter, I'll never know.  I thought about following you around for the rest of the day to figure out your story, but I opted not to.  Because that would make me crazy.

Thanks for the mystery,

Kath

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Dear Morris Twins,

As Husband and I watched the Suns vs. Thunder game the other night I felt compelled to announce I could never cheer for the Suns because of you two.  Because I don't like you.  Didn't like you when you were at KU, don't like you now.  And it's because of your faces.  You have Jay Cutler face.  And I don't like it.  It's the equivalent of BRF, except I refer to it as EPF, extreme punchable face. Other sufferers include: Pete Carroll, Urban Meyer, and JJ Redick.  And if we are being honest and open here, Le'Bryan Nash has EPF too.  Big time.  But I have to cheer for him, because he's a Cowboy.  But there are times I just want to yell, "That face!  I can't look at that face for one more minute!"

Wipe those faces off your heads,

KHR

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Dear Cowboys,

This is a joint letter to both the football and basketball team.  Let's do our best to pull out some victories, okay?  Okay.  For the football team, I hope that Shippensburg spent the last month coming up with more options than the long bomb down the field versus running it up the middle for a gain of two.  Earn that paycheck, big boy!  And to the basketball team, two teeny little things: make your frickin' free throws and for the love of everything holy, if you are up three at the end of the game, FOUL.  How many, "I can't believe he made that improbable three!" moments must I suffer through?

Good luck and Go Pokes!

K