Wish balloons and music

awwww, the good ol' days.  When the only weed Blackmon needed was Brandon.  Sigh.

Well, it's that time of year again, where Kathy dusts off the ol' wishing shoes and asks the universe for a few things before the season begins. I write down my wishes, tie them to a balloon string and watch them sail into the sky.  Then the balloon gets caught in an electrical wire, bursts into flames and plummets to the ground. Just kidding, I threw that last part in for dramatic effect.

I've been open about my doubts on this season.  I feel uneasy.  My confidence is a little shaken. So as I was thinking about what it is that I really wanted from this year, I realized that my hopes and anticipation of each Cowboy season mirror my feelings about John Mayer.  Stick with me, it will all make sense.

Don't Let Me Down.  This doesn't have to be the best you've ever done.  I really am okay with that.  Let's all be honest, you may never replicate Continuum (2011 season).  It was SO great.  I mean SO great.  When I think about it, I smile.  There was one clunker, your cover of Bold as Love (Iowa State game), but on the whole, kudos.  Slow clap for you, big guy.  And you know, I don't think this has to be a Grammy-award winning album (College Football Playoff), but let's not end up in the $9.99 bin at Target one month out, okay?

One Big Hit.  I have to have the big hit/win to help me survive.  I have to.  You have to give me something that gets radio play.  Last year wasn't great...Paradise Valley was sub-par.  But you gave me Wildfire (beating Baylor) and that was enough to power me through to basketball season, which also let me down.  You just keep stringing me along with hints that you really are as great as I think you are and all will be well.

Maybe not so many guitar riffs.  I've seen you in concert (watched games) approximately one million times.  I get your schtick.  And I understand you want to be authentic and try new things.  I supported you when you ventured to the John Mayer Trio (hired a freakin' D2 coach from freakin' Shippensburg State), but maybe you can lay off the guitar riffs (complete and total lack of offensive creativity and adjustment).  You know the ones I'm talking about.  The ones that last for like 13 minutes (4 straight series of 3 and outs)?  I know YOU like them.  But the fans aren't really down.  Open it up.  Play Comfortable (throw it down the field).  I know you don't like to, but this isn't about you John.  It's about me.  I like that song (passing play), so just do it.

And that's it.  I'm keeping my expectations reasonable.    You know, no matter what you produce, I will still be loyal.  People will continue to make fun of me for being faithful to you, but I believe in you.  I really do.  You're crazy some times, like dating Jessica Simpson or your ill-advised stand-up comedy career (Cowboys 4ever and letting Monken get away), but I know that you mean well.  

Also, if the intro video didn't suck this year, that'd be swell.  Music with words.  Video of big hits.  Broken bones.  Spleen lacerations.  I really don't need to see guys running wind sprints.  You gonna show me running?  Show me that video of Dez Bryant racing a horse.  I can get behind that. *

Go Pokes.

*I couldn't make the connection to John with this one. He's a pacifist, doesn't translate.

And most of all, I want world peace

Well, it finally happened.  I've finally been recognized for my talents.  I'm going to serve as a judge in the Miss Tuttle Fair pageant tonight.  I am beyond excited about this.  I am thrilled to be a part of something that builds self confidence in young women.  It's a tough world, and anything that promotes value and self worth, I stand behind.  I also like sequins and shiny dresses.

Part of my role will be to interview the young ladies.  During my breakdown of responsibilities, I was told that I'm not allowed to ask political questions.  So there goes my questioning into their thoughts on the increasing volitility and terror threat of ISIS, Obamacare, and their predictions for the 2014 elections.

So I really need to buckle down and figure out what I am going to ask.  This is tough.  Gotta get my mind right, you know?  Think like a teenager.  I've been listening to One Direction for hours to put me in the right frame of mind.  I've got a few ideas, but I'm totally open to suggestions.

1. How orange are you?  I think I'll start my questioning with, "Do you cheer for Oklahoma State?  If not, please give me three good reasons why not.  And the fact that Jason White is from Tuttle doesn't count."
2. Why do you guys wear high-wasted mom jean shorts?  I really want to know the answer to this.
3. Who do you think is more annoying this season on Pretty Little Liars?  Aria or Hannah?  My vote is Hannah.  Girlfriend needs to pull herself together and reexamine her wardrobe choices.
4. Do you really think Snapchat is a good idea?  Here's a hint...it's not.
5. Does it bother you when adults misuse hashtags?  It bothers me.  #allyouaredoingiswritingarunonsentence
6. Do you babysit?  If so, how much do you charge?  Asking for a friend.
7. Do you think Kevin Durant will go to the Wizards after next season?  Say no.  Be an optimist like me.
8. Have you ever seen The Neverending Story?  If not, why?  Will you promise to watch it tonight?
9. Do people still say, "It's all good in the hood"?  Asking for a friend.
10. What is something you wish adults understood better?  This, may be my most realistic prospect of a question...besides the one about OSU.

Okay, so that's where I'm at. Got anything better?  Send me your questions, I'll try to work them in.

You Forgot to Mention Your Baby

You guys, football season is just a sniff away.  You know how I know that?  Because I had a dream last night that it was game day for the Oklahoma State vs. Florida State game and I couldn't figure out the best facebook status to post.  I'm not kidding, that was really my dream.  That's maybe the most pathetic thing I've ever written.  Hashtag get a life.

I also realized that I might have football on the brain when I was asked to "tell the group a little bit about yourself," the other night at a meeting.  Don't worry it wasn't the anonymous kind.  I said my name, where I work, and that "I'm loyal to OSU to a fault."  And then I put the guns up.  And that's it.  I didn't mention that I am married.  Or have a kid.  Or any hobbies.  Just OSU.  That is all I exist of.  Work and OSU...and salty snacks.

I'll put together my wish list/hopes and dreams for the season blog in a few weeks.  I'm still sorting out my expectations for this year.  But I can give you a teaser...I don't anticipate good things.  But, I've got two full weeks to get my head straight.  To build up that silly optimism.  I'll get there...just give me some time.  Stop pressuring me.  I feel smothered.  I need a break.

In the meantime, I'd like to tell you something I'm already over.  Sure, I think the preseason polls are annoying.  And I'm not sure how many years in a row we are all expected to believe Texas "is back."  But that's not my beef (see what I did there?  Made a subtle cow/longhorn joke.  I'll be here all week).

The thing that no longer amuses me is "dancing Gundy."  I saw links to him doing a birthday dance or something to that nature earlier.  I guess he "broke it down"...again. I don't know.  Maybe I'm just no fun  (who are we kidding?  I'm a blast), but I don't really get the appeal.

Now if he were to pull any of these moves, I'd change my tune.  I love the way the second guy dances so much, I could watch this video 422 times.

Jimmy Fallon 80s Dance Avenue

OR if he learned to freestyle rap.  Just spit mad flow.  Or if he could do magic?  I'm in.  I love magic.  I especially love magic if I've had a couple of cocktails.  I learned that about myself when I was in a bar in Arizona and a magician just floated up to our table.  I loved him as much as the second dancer in that video.  I wanted to be his best friend.

So, the key take aways from this are that I would prefer Gundy to do magic, a rap battle or a jive turkey dance.  Also to be noted, middle-aged twerking/Russian dancing does nothing for me.

Letters: Goodbye Facebook Falcor

Dear Facebook Falcor,

So, I "liked" you years ago on a whim.  It seemed right.  I love your work.  But just recently you started popping up on my newsfeed, and I have to say, I don't really understand.  You're a little vulgar and inappropriate.  I think you might have been hacked by a 20-something male who likes to post crude jokes and pictures of scantily clad women.  And it's not that I'm easily offended or anything, but this isn't the type of thing I expected from the Luck Dragon.  I kind of expected you to say things like, "Having a luck dragon with you is the only way to go on a quest," not, "Is there anything worse than college chicks?"  I mean...Bastian would be devastated by this behavior.  So I have to "unlike" you.  Because I fear The Nothing has taken over.

For the love of Fantasia,

Kathy

Dear Tiny Human,

I get it. You are a toddler, which in turn makes you volatile and crazy.  Your mood can change in an instant.  Reminds me of days in the sorority house (just kidding, love you all, Pi Phi till I die).  But maybe, just maybe, you can take the attitude down a few notches.  For example, when I get home from a long day, and try to greet you sweetly, maybe you don't have to hold your hand up to my face and yell, "No ma'am!  Walk away!"  It's rude.  You're living rent-free and pretty high on the hog, so let's all agree to scream a little less and smile a little more.  Good?  Good.  I also like it when you sing pop music and say things like, "Shake it, girl."  That's fun.

Love, 

Mommy

Dear UFC,

You've officially piqued my interest.  Color me intrigued with your press conference fight.  I'll go on record by saying that I know nothing about UFC/MMA/etc.  Nothing.  Years ago, I watched a True Life on MTV about a guy who did muay thai.  And I don't even think that is the same thing.  What I do know is that there are some Oklahoma State guys who fight, so by proxy, I'm a fan right?  I mean, I'm as homerific as they come.  If a Cowboy is competing, I'm cheering.  I even tried to pass off knowledge of the Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier fight yesterday while talking to Husband.   I even impressed myself.  I likened today's ultimate fighting to the glory days of the WWF.  Except these guys are really competing (don't tell my brother I said that, he'd be horrified).  So, maybe I'll start following along.  As long as I can watch the fights for free and the OSU guy wins, I'm totally in.

Takedown for two,

Kath