God Save the Queen

When I picked up my daughter from daycare the other day, I asked the obligatory, "Did she have a good day?"  I never know what the answer is going to be.  One time I was told when the other kids get too close to her personal space she yells, "Walk Away!"  No idea where she learned that.  But it's good to set boundaries.

This day was a little different.

Kathy: Did she have a good day?
Teacher: ....yes... except around lunch time she got mad at me and....well, she told me to "piss off."
Kathy: WHAT?  Where did you learn that? (looking at Tiny Human)
Tiny Human: *smiles* Mommy, mommy, mommy.  Go home and see Jangles?
Kathy: I have no idea where she learned that.  We don't ever say that.
Teacher: silence

 I am 100% certain that the teacher did not believe me.  I think she thinks Husband and I walk around and yell, "Piss off!" at each other.  I will be the first to admit that we are a little lax around here with our adult speak, but never in my life have I told someone to piss off.  I've thought about it, sure.  But I've never channeled my inner Ricky Gervais.

The obvious first conclusion that I came to is that Tiny Human has a Tiny British Friend.  In my mind, I imagine he he wears a three-piece suit and smokes a cigar.  I fancy that he resembles Winston Churchill.  


So here I sit with a foul-mouthed child and it's not actually my fault.  I figured she'd start using "grown-up" words once football season started up.  But no!  She is an over-achiever.  Advanced, as I like to say.  She's picking up phrases from the outside.

I racked my brain and couldn't think of any British influence that could have taught her such a thing.  She does watch Peppa Pig, but I don't think Peppa's family tells each other to piss off.  Mainly they just make messes and laugh...they are a lot like our family.  Except they are British pigs.

I tried to think about what Dr. Huxtable did when he found that joint in Theo's geometry book.  He asked him about it, in a non-accusatory way, believed him, and then that was it.  Eventually the hooligan came over and apologized and he and Theo went to play football in the snow.

Well, it's summer here, so that plan is not going to work.  And if I ask her who taught her that, she will just start naming off people she knows.  Mommy, Daddy, Jangles, Gigi, Uncle Matt...you could all be implicated.

And so, I've come to the conclusion that the only way to address this situation is to teach her more British catch phrases.  This will be her "bit."  You can't get in trouble if you are just doing your bit, right?  Right.

So, I'm thinking these.  Feel free to chime in with any suggestions.  And remember, she's not quite 2 years old yet.

Oh Bloody Hell! One of my favorites.  Just really gets your point across about how ridiculous you find the current situation to be.  Example: You want me to eat peas and cauliflower again?  Oh bloody hell!

Blimey! It has a very Mr. Bean feel to it. It's a way to express surprise at something.  I might actually start using this myself.  Blimey!  I can't believe this Starbucks fancy fruit water is $4!

Bobs Your Uncle!  It's how the Brits say "ta da!" It's funny.  Could probably be a issue since her uncles are not named Bob, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Cheeky!  Apparently this means you are flippant and a know-it-all.  God knows we've got enough of those in this house.  And she loves monkeys right now, so I think it could work.

So that's my plan, people.  Turn this negative right around and make it positive.  It's gonna be adorable.  People from all over will want to meet the little tot who speaks like a Brit with an Oklahoma accent.  It's going to be #epic.  And if it's not, piss off.