I stumbled upon an article about the Oklahoma City Thunder today on Grantland. Here is a link to the story and here is a link to the site. I of course loved it. I then became sad. Have you read Grantland? It's awesome. It also employs one of my favorite writers, Chuck Klosterman, so that was an instant selling point for me.
I like to think that I'm not selfish, or self absorbed, but in all honesty, from time to time, I am. Whatevs. I volunteer a lot, that has to negate some of my bratty jealous moments, right? When I read sites like Grantland I become instantly jealous of the people who get to write opinion pieces about sports FOR THEIR JOB. Seriously, do these people know how lucky they are? Coming from a girl who has an opinion about everything, the prospect of getting paid to be funny and opinionated makes me light-headed. I decided, today at 1:45 p.m., that writing for Grantland would be my dream job. But fear not, friends, I've got a few other things I'm positive I would excel at:
1. An otter trainer. I love otters. They are funny and playful, and they like to swim. Win, win, win. That would be a fun job.
2. An English-speaking tour guide in Pompeii. I have an obsession with Pompeii thanks to my high school Latin teacher, Mrs. Albert. I will find a way to end up in Italy giving tours to Americans and Brits wearing fanny packs. Last time I was in Pompeii, our guide told me I had real potential. Grazie.
3. Butter chef. You know, like Paula Deen. How amazing would it be to be able to just cook everything in a ton of butter. For your job. I mean, come on. Heaven on buttery, fat Earth.
I'm not sure how I would categorize my last dream job, but I think I would be excellent as a personal tour guide. I would just go with you on your family vacations, take pictures for you, tell you all the random things I know about the places you are visiting, take you to great restaurants like Hard Rock Cafe, and basically become your best friend. I would excel at that job.
That's all for now. Back to my real job, where they unfortunately do not pay me to tell jokes or be funny. Sigh.
Okay, first of all: Otters are some of my favorite animals. I want to come back in my next life as a sea otter. They use rocks to break open shellfish which are balanced on their stomachs. Second: Grantland and everyone involved with it kind of suck. Not because they aren't good at what they do, but because I am jealous of them.
ReplyDeleteLoved the post. Someday we will write (possibly together) jokes and get paid!