Take a walk on the wild side

I have to admit, the title of this blog was inspired by the Motley Crue classic, "Wild Side."  Remember Motley Crue?  Big hair band of the 80s and 90s, now perform at casinos and state fairs.  My brother was a big Motley Crue fan in his adolescence.  Parents thought they were devil worshippers.  Standard operating procedure in Kathy's childhood.  For the record, I do think Vince Neil is harmless.  The only danger he poses is to the ozone layer with his use of hairspray.

Speaking of Kathy, it has been a BIG week for her.  Two email responses to Kath, even though Katie is the one who originally sent them.  Weird.  But the best moment came while I was wearing a name tag that clearly read "Katie" yet, still I was called Kathy.  I cannot explain this phenomenon.

But let's get to the point, shall we?  I frequent a very shady gas station at least two or three times a week. It's the closest one to my work, and I like their $1.19 jumbo Diet Cokes.  There is, however, a very strong chance that I will get shanked one day if I continue this practice.  What can I say?  I live dangerously.  Welcome to Kathy's life on the edge.

As I waited in line yesterday, I observed another patron who was either a crackhead or on meth.  I wondered to myself, "Do crack heads know how crazy they come across?"  I bet they don't.  I feel like they would reign it in a bit, if they had any idea.  This fine citizen payed for $7.26 worth of gas in change.  She rocked back and forth and was twitching.  I could not turn my eyes away.

Not wanting to be victim to a violent act, I turned my attention to my surroundings.  I noticed the pregnancy tests that sit right next to the gourmet jerky, and the fake flowers in their own stand.  And then of course there is my nemesis, the life sized cut out in the corner.  Give or take a few years, I estimate this cutout was produced in 1993.  It's a lifeguard with feathery locks and a million-dollar smile.  He wants me to buy Bud Light.  He also scares me often.  I know he is there, yet he catches me off guard almost every time.  I do not like life size cutouts, with the exception of Elvira.  No beef with the Mistress of the Dark.

So I passed the hunky lifeguard and climbed into my car.  And then I did what I always do, I imagined the worst case scenario and formulated a plan.  If, on one of my bucket o' cola runs, a crime was to occur in said gas station, what would I do?  WWKD?  I'll tell you what Kathy would do, she would probably run.  If it was a small criminal holding up the store, I might try to knock him out with my purse.  But more than likely I would run.  I would catch a quick picture on my cell phone, for posterity, and then Kathy would be out the door.

No need to worry people.  I have an exit strategy.  Besides, if I eliminate these shady gas station runs, where will my material come from?  I love free entertainment.  I NEED that gas station in my life.

On a final note, I would encourage all of you to refrain from Google image searching the following phrase, "scary gas stations."  What is wrong with people out there?  The internets are a scary place....much like my gas station.

Fill 'er up.

I take my Gaddafi with a little sugar

So Gaddafi is dead.  I'm not sure if you heard or not, but he is dunnzo.  He was hanging out in the sewer, a guy with a golden gun found him, and that's all she wrote.

I have a few thoughts on this matter.

1. I won't claim to know as much as I should about Gaddafi.  I have a VERY general grasp on his reign in Libya.  But what I do know is that he was an evil-doing bad guy.  Everyone knows any evil ruler's one main goal is to destroy/take over the world.  All you have to do is watch any Austin Powers movie or Pinky and the Brain. So here, here NATO soliders/revolutionists/freedom fighters!  I really like the part of the story that he was shot with his own golden gun.  Straight out of a movie, my friends.  
2. Does it make anyone else uncomfortable that every citizen in Libya  owns a machine gun/uzi?  Gun control issues aside, does every person really need an automatic weapon?  I feel like the answer is no.  I am of course, a proponent of knife fights.  Much more West Side Story/Adventures in Babysitting.  Chinese stars are fun too.  And brass knuckles.  I remember seeing a guy at the Payne County Fair when I was a kid who was wearing brass knuckles.  Hooligans of Stillwater come prepared for battle...even to the fair.
3. I watched the clip of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton receive news of Gaddafi's death.  She remained pretty calm.  Two words: let down.  Would have really amped up the awesomeness if she would have started high fiving everyone in the room.  I would react that way.  I'd probably keep a little confetti in my pocket too, for just such an occasion.  Up high, down low, confetti.  Boom!  Ol' Hill doesn't strike me as a high fiver, which is okay by me, but maybe a fist bump or even a thumbs up would have taken that video from a 6 to an 11.

That's all.  Those are my thoughts on current events.  Don't you feel smarter?  You're welcome.

I apologize for lack of blogs lately.  It's amazing how being busy takes away time to write pithy blogs about nothing.  

Penny for your thoughts?

You know that old saying, "Penny for your thoughts?"  Well, here is a dime's worth.

1. Birds are rude.  I determined this as I watched a gaggle of geese fly over my neighborhood.  Several of these hooligans were pooping while flying.  Where is your decency?  That's what makes people different than birds: common courtesy.  That and wings.
2. I saw a bumper sticker on the way to work today that said, "Jesus loves Yoga."  On second glance, I realized it actually said, "Jesus loves You," but the crazy font looked like "yoga."  I like the first version better.  I might start making Jesus loves Yoga bumper stickers.
3. I'm immune to passive aggression.  When husband and I were at the airport a week or so ago, we took a seat while we waited.  An old curmudgeon said to her husband, "Every time I try to sit down, someone steals my seat."  I responded, "You should be faster."
4. I wondered last night if a raccoon would make a good pet.  They are so cute.  I really like that they are always dressed as burglars. 
5. The best thing to happen to me today was discovering that Clayton Kershaw (left handed pitcher for the Dodgers) is the great-nephew of the guy who discovered  Pluto.  The non-planet, not Mickey Mouse's pet.
6. It's weird that Mickey Mouse had a pet.  He was a mouse.  Mice don't have pets, that's just silly.
7. I heckled Husband at his softball game last night.  I really need to work on being more supportive.  In my defense, he needed to be more aggressive on the base path.
8. Had one of the most annoying phone conversations ever this afternoon.  To sum up the convo, this guy was talking to me about creating videos for YouTube to promote things.  Everything I said, he responded, "Rock on."  Then he asked me what song I might want to use.  I said, "Heart of a Champion."  Him, "Hmmm, so gospel?"  Me, "Um no.  Hip hop."  You don't know Nelly?  Were you born after 2004?  He later asked me if I wanted to give him a high five.  You clearly know nothing about Kathy, she doesn't high five.  Especially over the phone. Rock on aborted.
9. I put a yard sign in our yard advertising Mistletoe Market.  You should go by the way, it's next weekend.  The next day I came home and there was another sign.  I was confused.  That's not really how it's supposed to work.
10. Today Husband emailed me about s'mores.  He made a slight typo: "You know I know s'mores."  I responded by asking, "When did you meet?"  He wrote back and said, "I take it back, s'mores are quiet.  I am not sure anyone can really KNOW them."  Very witty.  When other people make witty comments, I am instantly amused, and then annoyed that I didn't make the joke myself.

I'm thinking my next blog should be a point/counterpoint with Odd Holler...anyone interested?

So, I was thinking...

Hey there, friend.  I've been on sabbatical.  Did you miss me?  I sure missed you.

In all honesty, I have approximately six blogs I could write with the material I've acquired, but no one likes super long blogs, so I'll just give you a few of my thoughts, feelings and reflections.  Don't you worry your pretty little heads, though.  I can always expand on any topic, just raise your hand. (This blog ended up being really long anyway, sorry).

Now let's begin...

It is quite possible that I have missed my calling.  I think I might have been destined to be an actress.  I just seem to be a little more dramatic than most people.  I had an ah-ha moment last week when I was emailing Husband, and I actually shrugged while writing, shook my head and then smiled while hitting send.  Seriously.  I perform when no one is watching.  Today, I wrote an email I was so pleased with, I ended it with "Here, here!"  And raised my Nalgen water bottle in a toast.  I was all by myself, in my office.  I should be in the theater...my talents are being wasted in Oklahoma.

Husband and I visited Arizona last weekend.  Nice little mini-vacay.  Enjoyed that beautiful brisk Arizona fall...107 and rising.  On our flight back, I looked out the window at the Will Rogers World Airport.  Much to my dismay, I saw the bag handler throwing boxes from the cargo area onto a cart.  Why, you might be wondering, would this bother me so?  Well, this woman was chucking boxes labeled, "EXTREMELY FRAGILE" "LIVE TROPICAL FISH INSIDE" "THIS END UP"  Yet, she was not being gentle, and had blatant disregard for the arrows for which end was up.  A co-worker came over and joined in her shenanigans.  I then took a picture.  Which caught the attention of one of the bag handlers.  He didn't looked pleased.  I felt a little nervous, then reminded myself and Husband, "I'm a journalist.  I'm just doing my job."  Lesson learned: Don't ship your live, fragile tropical fish via Southwest.  Outlook is cloudy.

We were watching Parenthood the other night in which a rat made a cameo appearance.  I announced the following, "If we ever had a rat in this house, I would move out.  I would leave immediately and never come back."  Husband informed me that, "That's a little dramatic, even for you."  That's fine.  He and the rat can sit and talk about how dramatic Kathy is...should be a great conversation.  Best of luck to you both.

And finally, I would like to share with you how we spent our Saturday night.  ASU was playing late, kickoff approximately 9:36 pm.  We had to go to the local watering hole, because it wasn't being shown on any of our 700 cable channels.  Here's to you Cox cable, for showing the Duke vs. Florida International game, but not a top 25 game.  Top notch selection.  Anywho, we strolled into Buffalo Wild Wings, where we were surrounded by the local crowd who had just watched their team dismantle the Fighting Football Cardinals.  People had imbibed, they were all a little saucy.  Husband and I were the only two people in the bar watching football and dressed in bright yellow.  Much to our surprise, BWW turns into a rowdy karaoke bar at 10pm.  Saddle up, it's about to get real.  It was awful karaoke, with an abundance of country cheatin' music.  The bouncer and his girlfriend, who insisted on being called Sassy, literally laid on our table while caressing each other.  And to top it all off, ASU was playing very, very poorly.  Husband was getting angrier and angrier by the moment.  I was extremely amused.  It was a sitcom moment, the audience at home would have been rolling.  It's hard to say what the best moment was.  Could have been when a young lady in sexy tight clothes sang, "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," and ended her melody with, "Two months people, two months."  Or it could have been when a guy who claimed to play football at OSU sang, badly, "Here and Now," and a couple who was very much in love slow danced while he sang. Gold, pure gold.  Can't make this stuff up.  We did find the worse the karaoke, the better ASU played.  So when Evanescence came on, I knew we had a 90-yard touchdown pass in store.  Devils won.  And I laughed.  Good times.  I'll see you all there on Saturday night.

Oh and for those keeping track at home, I went 2-2 in Fantasy this week.  Got a little cocky.  Don't worry, Kathy is humble once again.