First, for anyone residing in the state of Texas who is reading this, why does it cost so much to drive on your streets? Seriously, I need an explanation. And does my Garmin (I got a new one, we'll see how long that lasts) have a contract with the Texas Department of Transportation that it gets a kick back from guiding me to highways that cost $15 to travel? After a quick visit to the Lone Star State this weekend, I feel like I put a hefty down payment on either tickets to Jerry World or a plaque in front of the Alamo. Either one will suffice.
Second, why don't the pickles from McDonalds have seeds? Where do they go? Were they ever there? I like to order sandwiches with lettuce and pickles only. I then inspect the lettuce, and 9 times out of 10, I pick it off because it's bush league. Then I take the pickles off. I like to think of them as a side. It really amps up the sophistication level of the meal. I have looked over a lot of pickles in my life. And McDonalds offers pickles with no seeds. What is going on here? I'm suspicious.
And finally, is there ever really a need for life-sized cutouts? I'm going to tell you the answer to this...no. I hate life-sized cutouts. They always catch me off guard and make my heart stop for a second. I'm sure you are asking yourself, "Kathy, how often do life-sized cutouts really affect you?" Well, the answer is too often. Needs some examples? I'm happy to oblige.
Just this afternoon, I had to go to Office Depot to purchase some folders. As I turned the corner, who do you think was looming behind a display? Tony Stewart. He was hiding. And he scared me. What the hell is Tony Stewart doing in Office Depot anyway? Shouldn't he be in a NAPA Autoparts store? And then there is the gas station by my office that I frequent for $0.79 Diet Cokes. Every time I leave, I glance to the right and each time a lifeguard circa 1995 catches my eye. He wants me to buy Bud Light to add to my summer fun. He stands way back in the corner all suspicious like...I don't trust him. He and Tony Stewart are up to no good. And then there was the one time I saw Justin Bieber at the mall. Not the real Biebs, of course, but the life-sized cutout of him who was being carried through Dillards by a mom and her daughter. This time, my heart really did stop. Oh my God, WHAT is Justin Bieber doing in Oklahoma City? And when did he get so tall? I'm not afraid to admit that my heart was actually racing. This would by far be the biggest celebrity sighting of my life. A close second goes to the time I ate brunch next to Ross Gellar. Oh and when the Sugar Hill Gang took the same Southwest flight to Kansas City as my family. Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn. But alas, I was duped once again by a life-sized cutout. Where were they taking this thing? And if you are going to carry Bieber around, you should carry him under your arm, not straight up and down as to confuse the general population. Think about other people, will ya? I just think they should be outlawed. Is that too much to ask? I think not.
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