The orange owl in the oven

Hey party people.  What's the haps?  I bet you are all wondering how I'm doing on my voyage of single-parentdom.  Fear not, I have an update for you.

The baby has strep throat.  Cool, huh?  I thought so too.  A perfect story about how my journey has gone was Friday night.  Bedtime took a lot longer than it normally does.  Once I finally laid her in her crib, I tip-toed out the door, my trusty sidekick was right at my heels.  He immediately heard a sound and started to bark like crazy.  The baby woke up.  I cussed and then went to comfort my tiny human.  Fifteen minutes later, I exited the nursery.  I looked at Mr. Bojangles and told him, "I will murder you if you bark again."  He nodded in agreement and went to hump his dog bed.  As I was picking up the 4,600 toys in the living room, I all of a sudden heard music.  A trombone to be exact.  A wailing trombone coming from the baby's room.  At first, I thought, "My God!  She has crawled out of the crib and is playing on the floor."  I looked at the monitor and alas, she was still in the crib.  I poked my head into the room to discover that the music table had a short in it and the trombone was playing on repeat.  Either that, or it the music table is haunted, which is a real possibility.  The baby then began to scream as if she had been cast in a horror movie.  It was a pretty epic night.

I think all this alone time is also making me crazy.  First, I had a dream last night that Beyonce came over.  Which Beyonce, you ask?  Beyonce Carter.  Just as I was apologizing to her about what a mess my house was, I woke up.  Because even my subconscious knows that Beyonce is never coming over.

The next warning sign came as I was playing on the floor with the kids after work on Tuesday.  The fur-covered kid thinks that when you are on the floor, you are there for the sole purpose to play with him.  So I was throwing the tennis ball across the room for the dog to chase and accidentally threw it right at the oven.  Bing!  The oven light came on.  So I did it again to see if it was a fluke.  For it was not.  I did it over and over again, entertaining myself, and then thought, "If Husband was here, throwing a tennis ball across the room at the oven just to see the light come on, I would more than likely yell at him."  But he isn't here, is he?  No, he's in Spain.  Eating "the best meal of his entire life."  Cool story.  I ate a frozen Weight Watchers Swedish Meatball meal for dinner.  And I ate it in a minute and a half flat.  So I will throw the damn ball, and I will like it.

After washing the bottles later that night, I heard hooting coming from the freezer.  Like a real owl.  I had talked myself into the fact that there was an owl in my freezer, but I just didn't have the energy to check it out.  I mean, if I were to investigate, can you imagine the shenanigans that would follow.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  If there is an owl in my freezer, he will still be there tomorrow.  Owls don't have opposable thumbs, how would he get out?

And finally, I need to call all of your attention to something I came across yesterday.  I don't understand it, I need someone to tell me why it exists.  See, as an OSU fan, I'm always on the lookout for more orange clothing.  As I see it, you just can't have enough.  In fact, I got two new orange items just last week.  Hooray!  Kathy helps the economy.  I feel like I have to up my game this year, because my boss is a Sooner fan.  I gotta represent, yo.  I told her about a month ago, "Just so you know, I wear orange every Friday during football season.  I thought you should know."  She laughed and asked sarcastically, "What? Is it a requirement?"  Me: "Yes.  It's called Orange Friday."  So anyway, I came across this gem as I was surfing the interwebs.  What the hell?  Who would wear this?  Who is the target market?  It resembles something you would wrap a Civil War soldier's bloody head in from a battlefield injury.  Are you supposed to wear this on purpose?  Is this targeting the "rock n' roll" Cowboy crowd?  WHO WILL WEAR THIS?  I just don't understand.... I ordered three.

So that's my update.  Husband will be home at 10pm on Thursday.  Who wants to meet me for a drink at 10:15pm?