So every year, I write a wishlist to God and the Universe about my hopes and dreams for the upcoming OSU football season. I plan to do that again this year, but I wanted to get a few thoughts off my chest about football in general.
First, I don't need one more magazine with Johnny Football on the cover. I've exceeded my limit. I don't know who I need to contact at Sports Illustrated to let them know that I am not an A&M fan. No more. I think we can all agree that he broke the rules and he's going to get away with it. Because that's the way the world works. If he had been playing for Oklahoma State, they would shut down the entire football program and made each fan pay $1,000 as punishment for cheering for such a louse (yes, I used the word louse. I'm apparently 86). I think we can also all agree that the kid isn't all that smart. How do I know this? First, he hired a 20 year-old college dropout to be his agent and handle his media requests. The funny thing about college sports is that there are these magical creatures called Sports Information Directors. It is actually their full-time job to handle the media. You don't have to hire your buddy from high school to do it. It's a built in perk. And I can guarantee that every single SID in the entire country is smarter than the jackhole Manziel has running his affairs. Also, in one of the 64 articles I read about this kid, it talked about how he had to call his younger sister to walk him through making mac n' cheese. Seriously? Boil water, put noodles in, squirt yellow goo on noodles, stir, and serve. I'm positive that my 11-month old could make mac n' cheese right now if I trusted her around the stove. However, she can't be trusted around anything. Spencer and Johnny Manziel...not to be trusted at all. And frankly, I'm sick of them both. Just kidding, I love my kid. It was a joke. Stop judging me.
Second, I'm approaching this season with a bit of trepidation. In our house, we cheer for three football teams: Oklahoma State, Arizona State, and the Denver Broncos. We have learned over the coarse of our marriage that it is against physics/science/God's will for all three teams to win the same weekend. So, as the season is almost here, I wonder, who will suck this year? Who will break my heart? And if it's ASU, can I get some support on convincing Husband not to watch the games on delay via DVR? He records the Sun Devils' games and will watch them in their entirety even though they've been over for hours. I cannot stand this. I always look up the score. The thought that games are over and you don't know the results, is not something I can handle. I always know when the Devils are going to lose, and I then in turn, subconsciously suggest we don't watch the recorded game. By subconsciously, I mean, I usually say something to the effect, "I know how this ends. You don't want to watch it." I'm a good wife.
And finally, I have my final Fantasy Football draft this week. I'm not off to the best start. I've managed to draft a guy who is a free agent (oopsie) and a receiver who has Terrell Pryor throwing him the ball, so that should work out swimmingly. I feel a big redemption coming on Thursday. I will have to say, my team names this year are top notch. Maybe I'll get some consolation money for being so witty. For real, how do I get paid for my wit? It is my destiny. Behold Kathy's fantasy teams: Cry Me a Philip Rivers, Shannon Sharpe-nado, and Weeden My Brownies.
Go forth and score, people.
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