Sports Shorts

I love this picture.  I love that the lady in the middle is approximately 450 years old.  Go on with your old self.  Thunder Up!  Just don't break your hip.

So remember when I said I was going to try to organize this blog and I'd write about certain things on certain days?  Well that lasted for two glorious days.  I got a little too ambitious.  If I didn't have anything else to do, like care for a human child, work at a real job, clean my dwelling space, etc, I could pull this off.  I've yet to figure out how to get someone to pay me to write this blog.  Until I do, you will all just have to take what I give you.  My new revised plan is to group my blogs into four main categories: weekend recaps, things that annoy me, pop culture observations and sports.  That basically covers everything I know about anyway.  If I ever travel again, I'll throw in a travel category.  So today, I'm going to talk to you about sports.  Go! Fight! Win!

It's playoff time in the NBA, which means Kathy is officially back on the bandwagon.  I'm very open and honest about my fandomness.  I love the Thunder, I want them to win every game.  But my focus from November to March is on Oklahoma State basketball.  It is my first love.  Okay, my first love was Dylan McKay, but OSU basketball still has my heart.  (Dylan could not be trusted, he was never the same once his dad was "murdered.")  Once the college basketball season wraps, I'm all in...sort of.  I mean, seriously, there are SO many games.  I went to three Thunder games this year and every one was a blow out win.  Unlike the Cowboys, the Thunder are consistently good and you don't have to worry about high stress levels during every game.  I think that's why they pay them the big bucks.

I also keep up with the team via local sports radio.  I listen to these hacks analyze every dribble and jump shot.  Basically, whatever they say, I choose to believe the opposite.  It has served me right so far.  Once the playoffs start, they really up their "sky is falling" analysis.  I would call them morons, but I'm the one who listens, so I think we all know who the moron is here.  Stupid Kathy.

So here we are, playing James Harden and the Rockets. Husband made the announcement that he was going to cheer for the Rockets.  Oh come on! Are you doing this just to annoy me?  Husband took it hard when the Thunder and Harden broke up.  Very hard.  He's all, "I can't believe the fans are being this way," and I'm all, "Get over it.  This is what Oklahoma City fans are like."  And he's all, "That's stupid.  He was going to make more money."  And I'm all, hand to the face, brah.  Not really.  But I really would like to end an argument that way.  #pipedreams

Don't get me wrong, I miss the Beard more than anyone.  I wish desperately that he was still with the Thunder.  I'm hoping for a Steve Nash-like story, that he'll come back to us, like that crazy Canadian did with the Suns.  What a happy ending... minus him bailing for the Lakers.  But sometimes, things happen in sports that make you mad.  For example, I wanted the Broncos to draft Dez Bryant in 2010 draft.  They chose not to due to supposed "character issues" (boy were they wrong!).  They instead chose to draft Tim Tebow.  The worst quarterback ever.  I continued to cheer for Denver despite this decision.  I cringed with every throw, hoping the receiver would grow two feet by divine intervention in order to catch the wobbly ball.  I even started to believe that maybe Tebow was best friends with Jesus.  How else could you explain the wins?  I did all of this, in the name of sports.

Kathy rises above.  She is so mature and wise.  Husband makes pictures like this.

Cool picture.  Your Photoshop skills are top notch.  I also feel like this picture accurately demonstrates that I am not the only obnoxious person living in our house.

Let's all regroup and touch base in Round 2.  If we are playing the Clippers, I'm hoping for a monster dunk on Griffin's face with a mean mug following.  Don't care who does it.  Just want to see it.  Twice.

Well, that's annoying

How funny is this picture?  I love Google image searching.  You just type something random in, and Google rewards you with a menagerie of jpegs.  I'm going to go ahead and state that Google is one of my favorite things in the world.  OSU sports, salt and Google.  Four thumbs up.

So remember how a couple of days ago, I asked you all for insight into what I should write about?  Well, no one responded.  And that's all well and good, but I must push on.  Onward and upward!  To Hell and back! You get the picture.

I'm dedicating Wednesdays to things that annoy me.  Lucky for you, the list is endless.  It's part of my charm.

So here's my short list for this week:

1. At my new job, I park in a parking garage.  The space are somewhat small, so I push that fancy button that folds the side mirrors on my car in each morning.  And every time I do, I am startled by my own reflection.  I instantly think someone is in the car with me.  Every.  Single. Time.  I have a master's degree.  I should be smarter than this.

2. This weather is so dumb.  Raise your hand if you are tired of me complaining about the weather.  Yes, you in the back.  You know how this could be remedied?  If the freakin' weather would start acting like spring.  Sun.  Shine.  Pull it together, Oklahoma.  Also, weatherpeople, I know your job is hard, because it's determined by God.  I get that, I do.  But can you bring the apocalyptic descriptors down a notch?  In case anyone was keeping score, there were no tornadoes, or monster hail, and no cataclysmic meteors.  I ended up wearing my tornado helmet to bed for no reason at all.

3. I woke up this morning tired and a little grumpy.  I was also super hungry.  On a total impulse move, I threw a tub of hummus and a bag of pita chips in my purse on the way out the door.  I'm sure you are thinking, how big is your purse, Kathy?  Pretty big.  It's kind of like luggage.  Three small forest animals could live inside it.  I don't typically bring side dishes/party food/appetizers to work to eat for breakfast.  But that's what I was in the mood for this morning.  I'm a trend setter.  Very mavericky. (<<---not a real word).  As I settled into my desk, I started to feel just a touch silly for having a large bag of pita chips and an industrial sized tub o' hummus.  I had about a 7 minute internal battle trying to decide if I wanted to actually go through with it.  Finally, I took a deep breath and decided to just embrace being the weirdo in the cube along the wall.  I pulled out the pita chips first (opened them under the desk to avoid immediate detection) and then fished out the hummus.  I was ready to embrace my inner Mediterranean.  And then I discovered the hummus was covered in mold.  No morning snack.  No smushed chickpeas. No bueno. Sad Kathy.

I blame the girl in the car with me this morning.  Obviously, she not only likes to scare me, but she also likes to crush my healthy snacking dreams.

Weekend Recap

I'm making an attempt to organize this blog a little.  Please contain your excitement, you're embarrassing yourself.  (embarrassing is a word I never spell right the first two times I try, see previous post in regards to irony).  I follow a very cute blog that is organized in a very cute way. She offers tips and links and whatnot.  Her blog actually provides something good for society.  Every time I read her blog, I think, "Kath, get it together!  You should do this!"  But then I remember that my blog doesn't really offer anything other than sarcasm, observations, and a funny story from time to time.  But who says I can't organize my sarcasm?  No one, that's who.  So I'm going to try to stick with a schedule.  Feel free to suggest a "topic" I should work into the weekly schedule.  I'm open to your ideas, as long as they are good ones.  Keep your bad ideas to yourself.

My weekend was not as exciting as you might expect a 30-something with a six month old baby might be.  We had a nice little Saturday planned.  We were going to Home Depot to pick out some wallpaper, then maybe we'd hit Bed Bath and Beyond...

On Saturday day/night I got to see three old high school friends.  We all wore flannel and Dr Martens to keep it authentic.  We talked about drinking wine coolers at the Fairfield Inn one wild weekend back in the day.  And every time I'm with this particular group of girls I think of playing no-brakes in my father's El Camino (Spanish for "the road").  Driving around winding streets never hitting the breaks.  It was really fun...and looking back on it, a really, really good decision.  Please don't tell my mom.  I can promise you that 16 years later, she still wouldn't find humor in it.

Saturday night I got home in time to watch the Syracuse vs. Michigan game.  I was conflicted.  I don't ever cheer for Michigan.  It's not that I cheer against them, I just cheer for whoever is playing them.  So I suppose that's cheering against them.  I don't really have a good reason for this anti-wolverine feeling, except when I lived in Michigan, I liked Michigan State better.  And I like Ohio State.  I like that they sing to Hang On Sloopy and who doesn't love Script Ohio?  See?  It's all legitimate.  Like science.  But Michigan was playing Syracuse, who I NEVER cheer for.  I hate Syracuse.  I actually have a good reason for not liking Syracuse...Gerry McNamara.  I try to keep this blog family friendly, so I'll keep my true feelings to myself.  But let's just say Kathy isn't a fan.  Boooo Gerry McNamara.  Boo!  And they had that kid Eric Devendorf who punched girls.  Seriously, who is cheering for these hoodlums? And I'm just going to say it....I don't like Jim Boeheim.  I know he's a legend.  I know that I'm supposed to respect him.  But I don't.  Don't like him one bit.  And I think his zone is stupid.

So I cheered for Michigan.  And they won.  Obvi, God is on my side.

Finally, I managed to use the phrase, "Straight cash money, homey," twice this weekend.  Once while talking to Spencer.  What can I say?  I go hard.

There's a fly in my Chardonnay

Remember Alanis Morissette's little ditty about irony?  Isn't it ironic?  Don't you think?  And remember how nothing in the song was actually ironic, it was just bad luck.  I remember thinking, "God, does she not understand irony?"  I was so annoyed.  And yet, as I was contemplating this blog in my head, a mental rough draft if you will, I realized that the irony of the song is that nothing is ironic.  And maybe that's what she intended...and if so, Alanis Morissette is a Canadian genius!  That Joey Gladstone let a good one slip away.  Cut. It. Out.

Anywho, I had a couple of ironic things happen to me this week, and thought what better way to jump back into my poor abandoned blog than a theme.  Like I've said a million times before...you're welcome.

The other day on the facebook or "the book" as I like to call it, I saw a post from someone that was pretty ridiculous.  I have to keep this very vague because I do not want to libel anyone in anyway.  Okay, I don't actually care if I libel anyone, but I don't want the retaliation that comes with such actions.  I'm all grown up now.  Gots me a kid and everything.  So this person told about something they did with their very young child.  I was relaying the story to Husband over dinner.  "Nice parenting, huh?" I asked with snark and judgement oozing from my lips.  We laughed at what a bad parent this person was.  Two minutes later, Husband pointed out to me that our six month old daughter was eating a napkin while sitting on my lap. I was caught up in conversation, I failed to realize that she had pulled the napkin to shreds with her gummy trap.  I had to fish the napkin out of her mouth, since the doctor didn't say anything about "paper products" being worked into her diet.  Hmmmm.  Ironic.  Maybe I should stop judging other people and focus more on my child who is going through a Billy Goat phase of trying to eat everything.  I'm thinking of sticking her in the backyard to deal with the overgrown grass.

The next day, while at work (new job, less football speak/more Corporate America and stock options.  Yay!) I was researching the environmental benefits of using ebill.  As I was fully immersed in data mining and finding all kinds of fun facts on going green (Go Green!  Go White!  Oh wait, that's Michigan State...) I was printing off all of my great findings.  Hey look, New Boss!  I'm so great at researching I've found gobs and gobs of relevant information!  See how great it is to use ebill and save paper and trees! See! See!  Everything you need to know...is on this huge stack of paper.  That I just wasted.  I swear Smokey the Bear was probably crying somewhere in a forest.  Ok, I know that Smokey the Bear isn't really tied to going green, but does that movement even has a mascot?  I feel like they don't, so I'm going with Smokey because he should fall under the "don't hurt the Earth" umbrella.  So I have lots of great statistics on why going paperless is good for the environment on a big stack of papers on my desk.  Such a sad irony.

And finally, I found irony in having to wear my winter coat in April.  Actually, I didn't find it ironic, I found it super annoying.  It's April.  Bring on the sunshine.  This lingering winter is stupid.  And I don't approve.  You know what this cold weather is like?  Ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.  (On a serious note, can you imagine being anywhere with 10,000 spoons?  That would be amazing.  Ironically, I'd like to find this land of spoons).