Thursday, September 12, 2013

You can quote me on that


Oh my, it has been a hard news week for my beloved alma mater.  I kind of feel like the Oklahoma State football program are the Pretty Little Liars and Sports Illustrated is A.  Just leave us alone!

Seeing as 90% of my facebook friends are OSU fans, and 80% of who I follow on Twitter are either Cowboy-connected or sports oriented, I have officially gotten my fill of coverage.  Everyone in Cowboy Nation is fired up.  Like someone just kicked their momma.  I am too.  Thayer Evans is an unlawful combatant who needs to be smoked out of his hole.  He is a bad human.  But, unlike the impassioned posts I've read all week, I'm taking a lighter look at the whole thing.  Come along with me if you want, should be a great time.

Let's look at the things that caused me to question the validity of this story...

1. OSU is a powerhouse.  As one of my Sooner friends (it's true, I have a couple) pointed out, "I dunno about you guys, but my first hint that the SI report lacks credibility was them calling OSU 'a major college football factory.'" I mean, she has a point.  Supposedly, the point of the expose was to figure out how a "cellar-dweller" rose so quickly to national prominence.  Quickly?  It has taken my whole damn life.  And if we just focus on the last 10 years, there were PLENTY of games that someone should have paid me to sit and suffer through.  Where the hell were my benefits?  Where's my sock o' money?!  

2. We aren't very good at cheating.  If I understand this award-winning five part piece, OSU is terrible at cheating.  Apparently we gave money to guys after getting beat by 40 points.  My god, how much were they raking in when Texas was whipping us?  And we were writing papers for kids who flunked out.  Are our tutors stupid too?  And then of course we let the entire team smoke out before games.  I'm no football genius, but I feel like that isn't actually going to help the performance.  I watch Intervention, being high doesn't make you good at football...but apparently it does help you play XBox.

3. Using money at the clubs.  One of the upstanding young men who was interviewed said he sold drugs while he was on the team and made from $100 to $300 a week to "go out to the clubs."  Clubs? What clubs?  Last I checked, there are no clubs in Stillwater.  There are stinky college bars where your feet stick to the floor and the bathrooms are never clean.  Beer costs $2.50 in Stillwater.  All you need is $30 and a good attitude to have a good time.  

4. Drinking bleach.  Apparently, some guy drank bleach to try to pass a drug test.  This could easily be true.  But good lord, if it is, that's your story.  Who recruited someone so dumb that they drank bleach?  Fire that coach.  Investigate that.

5. Gundy did something cool.  In today's article, it was claimed that Gundy made a "weed-smoking" motion to one of the guys in the weight room.  Really?  He tucks his damn sweatshirt into his khakis.  This guys isn't doing anything that cool.  

So, there you go, that's Kathy's theory into why this whole thing is fishy.  Kathy doesn't lie.  You can trust her.  She won a Pulitzer Prize.  Don't believe me?  Well some guy who is in prison told me so, so I think we all know who to believe here.

Tomorrow we hear about sex, which is usually how I kick off my weekends.  I'm sure it will be a super believable story about how some guy was having sex on the sidelines, while Miles was writing his term paper.  All in a days work.

I'm looking forward to gameday.  Let's focus on what's important here: football.  As Les Miles said, "I don't care what you do off the field, just win."  Okay, I might have combined Les Miles and Al Davis there, but if we've learned anything from Sports Illustrated it's that accuracy doesn't really matter.  We're not playing horseshoes or hand grenades here.

Can't wait for Lamar to come to town.  I wonder if he's bringing Khloe with him...I hear they are having problems.

19 comments:

  1. I like this one! Thanks for sharing and making me giggle!

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  2. Gundy not cool? You forget that dance thingy, The Gundy, that the players ask him to do. Oh, wait. Maybe you are right.

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  3. I guess I missed the part where any of this was remotely funny, let alone hilarious.

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    1. Yes, you did. I can't blame you, though. Since most OU fans don't go to college, they don't have a verl well-developed sense of humor.

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    2. WHOA...as an OU fan AND graduate I found this hilarious.

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    3. At least we can spell VERY correctly

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  4. Hey, anonymous. You jealous?

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  5. All sorts of awesome! I needed some giggles today! :-)

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  6. I like the way you think. One of my housemates was buddies with Gundy when he was a student, back in the 80s, and he definitely wasn't a party animal or stoner even then. As I recall, he even came over a few times for help on assignments from my roomie (a physics major), and the beverage selection did not include beer until the assignment was done. This whole thing seems like it was assembled by a biased hack at SI, using losers with grudges as primary sources, with little or no fact-checking of the accusations. I really hope it turns out to be the case, because I thought OSU had learned all these lessons after the Jimmy Johnson scandals!
    Roger Barton, class of 1989

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    1. Thayer Evans reporting on your comment...

      A blogger who went to OSU with Mike Gundy in the 80's posted that Gundy was a party animal as a student athlete. Gundy would have a Physics Major do his homework while everyone else drank beer and got stoned.

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    2. Oh, people never lie on the internet. Not saying Roger Barton lied or didn't but "a blogger" who says he went to OSU with Gundy does not tell me he did. Furthermore how do we know you are telling the truth anyways about this supposed blog Thayer Evans. It may not even exist for all we know. How well do you know the blogger Thayer? or Gundy for that matter? I never went to OSU in fact I go to UCO which is closer to OU but I grew up in Tulsa, lived there all my life. I am not football prejudiced is what I am saying. I love watching any football game. I think you Thayer are taking things and blowing them out of proportion.

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  7. This is hilarious! Thanks for the levity!

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  8. Oh Kathy...in the words of Rachel Zoe, "I. die."

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  9. Tremors just shut down a year or two ago. There was also Dirty's for awhile.

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  10. This is funny! You only missed one thing. The kid who made $100 to $300 per week selling drugs, was certainly a poor salesman, hope he didn't major in marketing. This is probably why he didn't graduate with a degree in business!

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  11. I have to say, Wayne, you are right. Sadly, some of my 7th grade students make more than $100 - $300 per week selling drugs. (At least that's what I hear in the cafeteria.)

    I really enjoyed this blog! Go Pokes!

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  12. As a Sooner, I've had some fun at the bars in Stillwater. I still need eye bleach from the full moon I saw at Stonewall Tavern once.

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