Excuse me, I think you have something in your fur

You know what really gets on my nerves?  The phrase, "so stinking cute."  I don't know what it is about that phrase, but I despise it.  I mean, when I see it, it kind of makes me angry.  I realize that this a completely irrational response to a meaningless phrase, but I'm just being honest.  I noticed the popularity of this phrase about a year or so ago, and it's almost always in the comment section of pictures on Facebook of adorable babies wearing knitted hats and shirts with catchy phrases. For every cute picture of a child, you can take it to the bank that some friend will write, "OMG she is SO stinking cute!"  Or,  "he is so stinking cute, I can't stand it."  The thing is, I bet you can stand it.  You liar.  Just kidding.  But seriously, can we phase out of "stinking cute."  I just can't handle it anymore.  And I don't really think it's a compliment.  Stinking things are bad.  I find it comparable to saying, "your child is rotting adorable," or "he is decayingly precious."  I don't think decayingly is an actual word, but I'm going with it.  So stinking cute fits in the same category as "LOL" with me.  I acknowledge neither.

Tonight as I was on the phone with my mom chatting away about odds and ends, I was putting away my stockpile goodies from Sam's.  I love Sam's.  I have a complete lack of recognition of my actual lifestyle once I walk inside those sliding doors.  For example I had a serious Lincoln-Douglas debate with myself as to if I could justify buying the 3 pack of spreadable Laughing Cow cheese.  I mean, come on Kathy, you don't eat that much cheese.  You should, but you don't.  Sadly, I passed it up.  What I did not pass up was the 48 pack of toilet paper.  Husband doesn't really get my obsession with paper products from Sam's, but just like true crime TV, I'm obsessed and you aren't changing my mind.

So as I was packing the toilet paper away in our bathroom, I looked at those Charmin bears and wondered, "Why do they have such a problem with toilet paper sticking to their fur?"  Who is this actually a problem for?  Is this happening to me and I just don't know?  I was not even aware of this phenomenon until these bears appeared on the scene.  I mean, is this widespread?  Because after conducting an unscientific survey, I have found the only people suffering from this are these bears.  And if I had to guess why this keeps happening to them, it's because they are covered in fur.  You don't see Mr. Bojangles with TP stuck to his fur.  He knows his limitations.  I also think if this is truly a problem, you should put on pants.  Have some decency.

You know what I think?  I think getting TP stuck to your fur is the only appropriate time to refer to a situation as stinking cute.  Because it probably is, especially if it's baby bear cubs.

She lives!

Have you heard the good news?  Kathy has risen....she has risen indeed.  After five days of the worst flu of my life, I am back amongst the living.  Barely.  It's 8:15 p.m., and as soon as I finish this blog, I'm probably going to bed.  But my head is no longer in the toilet, so I think it's okay for us all to rejoice a little.

It's been so long since I've blogged, that I don't even know where to start.  I find that when I don't write about things as soon as they happen, they aren't as funny or as interesting as I thought they were.  That either means I've totally mastered the "timeliness" aspect of reporting the news as I see it, or what I blog about isn't that great.  Either way, I'm not going backwards, you can't make me.

I'll just catch you up on how I deal with being sick and a few other odds and ends.

I don't know if you've picked up on it, but there is really nothing on TV at the moment.  Stuck in bed for five days, I was scanning the guide for some entertainment.  Left to his own devices, Husband will watch hours and hours and hours of food shows.  Guy Fieri and his stupid hair, reruns of Chopped, Andrew Zimmern eating dirt and rat poop, and Iron Chef.  Never anything that could be applied to our lives, just random shows about food.  It drives me crazy.  I think one day I'll just come home with 45 watermelons and say, "Okay smarty, make something out of these." I, on the other hand, choose to watch programming that makes me more well-rounded: Dateline on ID, 48 Hours on ID, and Lockup: Raw.  I have no idea what my obsession with true crime is, but it's there and I can no longer ignore it.  I logged no less than 20 hours of Dateline and 48 Hours during my infirmary stay.  I also watched three hours of Lockup: Raw, which is a disturbing show on MSNBC where they go inside prisons and talk to crazy inmates.  It's fantastic.  I will just tell you this, it will take a pretty sneaky person to pull a crime over on ol' Kath... I've seen every trick in the book by now.  In an effort of full disclosure: I also watched a day-long marathon of The Game on BET.  See how well-rounded I am?

Moving on... On Sunday, I pulled myself out of bed and we went to Stillwater to watch wrestling.  I would have stayed home, but it was a huge match.  This was a bad decision for three reasons: 1. I was still sick, felt terrible and the excitement of screaming/stomping feet/ jumping out of my seat did very little for my overall well-being.  2. During the second match, the child who sat behind me was super annoying.  And 3. We lost.  Boo.

I tell this tale, knowing that parents out there of young ones might be upset with me.  But let me say this: I have no issues with kids.  The fact that he was a kid wasn't what annoyed me.  I'm sure your child isn't annoying, but this one was.  This is not a commentary on children in general, just this particular kid who never stopped talking, sucked on hard candy for an hour and 45 minutes and asked no less than 87 questions.  And I have no doubt, when I have a child, that child will ask questions ALL the time.  I ask questions all the time, it will be in his or her genes.  I'm just saying, on this particular day, I wasn't in the mood for the Congressional hearing that was going on behind me.

I tweeted the following: "Wish this little kid behind me would learn the rules of wrestling.  Too many questions, kid."  It was a joke...kind of.  And then this exchange happened:

Stranger on Twitter: Or maybe you could admire him for being a fan and being there.  Don't hate.
What I wanted to say: Um.. Are you serious?  No one admires me for being a fan.  And since he's 8 and clearly doesn't understand wrestling, I think calling him a "fan" is a stretch.
What I actually said: I choose to be annoyed.  Thanks.
Stranger on Twitter: We are so spoiled.  There are bigger problems in the world, believe it or not.
What I wanted to say: Yes, I'm aware.  I vote.  I read the newspaper.  I pay my taxes.  I volunteer in my community.  I'm a feminist.  I'm an environmentalist.  I believe in civil rights.  I believe in human rights.  I donate to worthy causes.  I go to work.  I'm a good citizen.  And I'm a sports fan who has an annoying kid sitting behind me.
What I actually said: This has been super fun, but I don't know you.  So I'm going to go ahead and block you.  Peace and love.

And that is how sick, annoyed Kathy interacts with her "fans' on Twitter.  I'm a real gem, huh?

Finally, today, on my way home from work, I pulled behind a man who had a dreamcatcther hanging from his rear view mirror.  I'm very familiar with dreamcatchers, as I used to live in Arizona.  Dreamcatchers, Kokopelli, havalinas, and crazy politics: Arizona taught me all about these things.  Why would you hang one in your car?  Are you sleeping in your car?  Are you having nightmares in your car?  Are you asleep right now?  I thought about honking, just to wake him up, but decided not to be an aggressive driver today. Maybe the dreamcatcher was there to catch daydreams.  Although,  I thought daydreams by nature were happy and good, and there is no need for them to be filtered by dreamcatcher.  And frankly, I'm not comfortable with you daydreaming while driving, that's a very dangerous practice.  Whatever the reason for the dreamcatcher, I'm almost positive, it's suspicious.  And possibly dangerous.  And like the guy on Twitter told me, there are bigger problems out there, and I think we all know this one is at the top of the list.