Bob Simmons, Paula Abdul and Twitter, Oh My!

The last two weeks have been a blur.  They have gone something like this: state fair, state fair, state fair, state fair, first birthday party, trip to Austin, football debacle, football elation, fall has arrived, new niece has arrived, and so on.  Obviously, the highlight of the these two weeks was the cute little baby who joined our family. Welcome little one, we've been waiting for you.

Let's move on to the superficial stuff, shall we?  I'll just hit the highlights.

1. Run it up the middle for two...  So did you guys catch that OSU game on Saturday?  Fun stuff.  It had such a vintage feel.  And by vintage, I mean, Cowboy Football circa 1998-2000.  Remember when every offensive series featured Nathan Simmons running it up the middle for a gain of 1, gain of 2, no gain, and then punting?  That was a super fun time to be a fan.  Look, I took non-business stats my sophomore year in college.  1 + 2 + 0 doesn't equal 10...and 10 yards is the goal.   I'm no Chip Kelly, but if running it to the right on every single third down doesn't work, you might want to mix it up a little.  You know they say the definition of a crazy person is someone who does the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  Using SAT logic, I hypothesize that our offensive coordinator is crazy as a bag of hammers.

The positive takeaway from Saturday's humiliating loss is that my baby no longer cries when I yell at the TV during games.  It only took a year to desensitize her to mommy screaming during sporting events.  Yay me!  Mother of the year.

2. USC you later.  By the time ASU kicked off at 9:30 p.m., I had pulled myself together to cheer on another football team.  It's called rallying, and I excel at it.  After a bit of a sputter, the Sun Devils put together an amazing performance (minus the complete inability to stop the run).  In the third quarter, I texted Husband and told him, "I hope we score 60.  I hate Lane Kiffin."   And the Devils came through.  They scored 62 and crushed the souls of the opponents.  It was awesome.  It was such a beat down, USC fired Lane Kiffin at the airport upon his arrival.  They didn't even let him ride the team bus home.  In the wise words of Paula Abdul, "c-c-c-cold hearted...ssssssnake."  Love it.

3. Tweet, tweet, that's so sweet.  Twitter is a strange animal.  You can interact with complete strangers and say anything you want.  Anything.  You could tweet someone you've never met and tell them you hate them.  I'm not really sure why you would do that, but it is a possibility.  You can also have a robot dog as a pet.  There is a lot about the world I don't understand.  Anyway, Saturday I was on the receiving end of a stranger's angry tweet.  This is about the fourth time this has happened to me.  I have yet to figure out why strangers value my dumb opinion so much, they feel the need to reach out to me and tell me I'm wrong.  Obviously these people aren't aware that I'm told on a regular basis that I'm wrong by people I know, I don't really need their input.

This is the general interaction, names and Twitter handles have been changed to protect the innocent.

ASU Fan site I follow: Corso and Herbstreit both pick USC?  More national disrespect?
Kathy's response: Yeah, but Herbstreit still thinks Mike Stoops is a good coach.  He knows nothing.
Angry Stranger response to me: He is a good coach.  Apparently, you know nothing.

I was intrigued.  This girl is an OU fan who doesn't follow me, with no detectable connection to ASU.  How did she even find my tweet?  Is she keyword searching Mike Stoops? And if so, why?  I had a couple of options: 1. Ignore her (not going to happen). 2. Point out the fact that Mike Stoops was fired from Arizona because he was in fact, not a good coach.  Or 3. Hit her with snark.  I think we all know which route I chose.

My response to her: Show me, don't tweet me.

For, Kevin Durant is my muse.

Speaking of Twitter, I saw this little nugget of genius on Saturday... "If Gundy would just check Twitter."  Fingers crossed for the day he says in a press conference, "So, I was reading this girl Kathy's blog and I think we've figured out the problem."  He is so lucky to have me analyzing his every move.  You're welcome, Mike Gundy, you're welcome.

I'm starting to think he might have been the anonymous poster who told me my last blog wasn't funny...  You know what I don't think is funny?  A starting running back who has a total of 1 yard for the game. So there.

You can quote me on that

Oh my, it has been a hard news week for my beloved alma mater.  I kind of feel like the Oklahoma State football program are the Pretty Little Liars and Sports Illustrated is A.  Just leave us alone!

Seeing as 90% of my facebook friends are OSU fans, and 80% of who I follow on Twitter are either Cowboy-connected or sports oriented, I have officially gotten my fill of coverage.  Everyone in Cowboy Nation is fired up.  Like someone just kicked their momma.  I am too.  Thayer Evans is an unlawful combatant who needs to be smoked out of his hole.  He is a bad human.  But, unlike the impassioned posts I've read all week, I'm taking a lighter look at the whole thing.  Come along with me if you want, should be a great time.

Let's look at the things that caused me to question the validity of this story...

1. OSU is a powerhouse.  As one of my Sooner friends (it's true, I have a couple) pointed out, "I dunno about you guys, but my first hint that the SI report lacks credibility was them calling OSU 'a major college football factory.'" I mean, she has a point.  Supposedly, the point of the expose was to figure out how a "cellar-dweller" rose so quickly to national prominence.  Quickly?  It has taken my whole damn life.  And if we just focus on the last 10 years, there were PLENTY of games that someone should have paid me to sit and suffer through.  Where the hell were my benefits?  Where's my sock o' money?!  

2. We aren't very good at cheating.  If I understand this award-winning five part piece, OSU is terrible at cheating.  Apparently we gave money to guys after getting beat by 40 points.  My god, how much were they raking in when Texas was whipping us?  And we were writing papers for kids who flunked out.  Are our tutors stupid too?  And then of course we let the entire team smoke out before games.  I'm no football genius, but I feel like that isn't actually going to help the performance.  I watch Intervention, being high doesn't make you good at football...but apparently it does help you play XBox.

3. Using money at the clubs.  One of the upstanding young men who was interviewed said he sold drugs while he was on the team and made from $100 to $300 a week to "go out to the clubs."  Clubs? What clubs?  Last I checked, there are no clubs in Stillwater.  There are stinky college bars where your feet stick to the floor and the bathrooms are never clean.  Beer costs $2.50 in Stillwater.  All you need is $30 and a good attitude to have a good time.  

4. Drinking bleach.  Apparently, some guy drank bleach to try to pass a drug test.  This could easily be true.  But good lord, if it is, that's your story.  Who recruited someone so dumb that they drank bleach?  Fire that coach.  Investigate that.

5. Gundy did something cool.  In today's article, it was claimed that Gundy made a "weed-smoking" motion to one of the guys in the weight room.  Really?  He tucks his damn sweatshirt into his khakis.  This guys isn't doing anything that cool.  

So, there you go, that's Kathy's theory into why this whole thing is fishy.  Kathy doesn't lie.  You can trust her.  She won a Pulitzer Prize.  Don't believe me?  Well some guy who is in prison told me so, so I think we all know who to believe here.

Tomorrow we hear about sex, which is usually how I kick off my weekends.  I'm sure it will be a super believable story about how some guy was having sex on the sidelines, while Miles was writing his term paper.  All in a days work.

I'm looking forward to gameday.  Let's focus on what's important here: football.  As Les Miles said, "I don't care what you do off the field, just win."  Okay, I might have combined Les Miles and Al Davis there, but if we've learned anything from Sports Illustrated it's that accuracy doesn't really matter.  We're not playing horseshoes or hand grenades here.

Can't wait for Lamar to come to town.  I wonder if he's bringing Khloe with him...I hear they are having problems.