Where to start?

Someone told me they missed my tweeting the other day.  I wonder if anyone misses my blogs.  I decided that I would anoint June as my "comeback" month....but I'm bored, so lucky you, my comeback starts on May 29th.  Hooray!  Start the parade.

It's been so long since I've written, I don't really know where to start.  From time to time, I'll write stuff down that I should blog about.  I have scraps of paper in my purse, all over my desk at work and strewn throughout the house.  When I come back across these little gems days or weeks later, they never seem as interesting as I had originally thought.  For example, I was going to write a blog about bullying in society, in particular this mean bird that dive bombs Mr. Bojangles in our back yard when he goes outside to do his business.  Then that bird moved away... the story isn't that interesting anymore.

Since I've missed so much time, let's just start with current events, shall we? Here is what has happened in the last 48 hours.

1. Husband questioned my parenting potential because I spit out asparagus.  Ridiculous, right? I know.  We were enjoying dinner the other night and I was choking down asparagus.  I think it's gross, but I was being a good sport and eating all healthy and stuff.  I've never eaten the furry top part of asparagus before because frankly it is furry and looks like a plant, but decided to give it a go on Sunday night.  Husband always eats the furry part, how bad can it be?  Answer: pretty bad.  So I spit it out.  Apparently spitting out your food is frowned upon in this establishment.  I was then told I wouldn't set a very good example if I was unwilling to eat green vegetables.  I reasonably responded that I like green beans, celery, and cucumbers.  Husband told me that celery doesn't count.  Who the hell is making these rules anyway?  So I then informed Husband, "It's not my fault God made green vegetables gross.  Take it up with him."  I'm going to be an excellent parent.

2. We've decided that we are going to paint our house.  A total of five rooms are going to get a makeover.  The only problem is my indecisiveness.  Throughout our house are 4' x 4' squares of paint samples, like a quilt.  Maybe we'll just leave all the squares and people will think we are bohemian...or schizophrenic.  And can someone please back me up that a bright, screaming yellow guest bathroom is fun, not obnoxious?  I'm having a hard time convincing Husband.

3. On the way to work today, I followed behind a woman who was all over the road.  Curbs, left lane, right lane, she was out of control.  As I passed her, I looked over to try to determine the cause of her erratic behavior only to discover that it was caused by her smoking a cigarette that was approximately 3 feet long.  She also had a stethoscope hanging from her rear view mirror.  Why would you need a stethoscope in your car?  Was she a bad driving, smoking doctor?  Do doctors keep their supplies in their cars?  I, for one, would not like to have a hot stethoscope put on my skin.  Is the legislature still in session?  I'd like to draft something that forbids doctors from carrying their gear in their cars, especially in the summer.  Shortly after passing Dr. Feelgood, I swear I saw a bottle of True Blood on the side of the road. 

Okay, there's an update on my life.  You can see why I haven't written in a while.  In the blogging business, this is what you call "thin material."