Wild Kingdom Presented by Not Kathy -- Part 2

Okay, let's finish this up, shall we?  Jump into the Land Rover and travel along as I sum up the final six animals.

El leon.  The lion.  King of the Jungle.  Master of his domain.  The lion did in fact live up to his reputation.  We saw a lot of lions.  Male ones.  Female ones.  Little ones that were too cute for words.  I even saw one who looked completely disheveled.  His mane was a mess, his face was all scratched up.  He reminded me of Scar.  I wonder if he speaks with a British accent as well.  We saw three different prides during our safari.  One was made up of 5 lionesses and 10 cubs, they had been abandoned by their male.  Deadbeat dad, fo' sho.  We got to see this pride nap and cuddle, and then hunt a kudu.  That was awesome.  Then we saw a couple who were all about mating.  They went at it every 20 minutes.  It was quite embarrassing for a shy girl such as myself.  And I promise this to be true, the lion looked at us afterward and smiled/smirked.  No lie.  Take a look.  And finally, we saw three male lions who just slept.  I like it when they yawn, because if you capture it correctly, it looks like they are growling.  And that makes me seem very brave.

Rhino.  This is what I learned about rhinos.  The dominant male establishes himself as a dominant male by pooping on the same poop pile over and over.  Hmmm.  Nature and humans, not so different after all.  Sabi Sabi has an abnormally large amount of rhinos, so they were easy to spot.  They just kind of lumber around eating grass.  As I clicked picture after picture, I kept thinking, "You are an odd looking fellow, and you really resemble a dinosaur, friend." We saw a baby rhino and he was adorable.  I felt a little sad for the rhino.  Seems to be a lonely life.  No one really spends any time with them, except for those birds who eat the bugs off of them.  I like to think they have a good relationship with those birds.  Everyone needs friends.

Water Buffalo.  What a ridiculous animal.  You just look at them and instantly know you are dealing with a jerk.  First of all they are wearing these ridiculous toupee-hats.  Whose idea was this?  And they really stare you down.  I won the staring contest, but I think that is because they were fighting off flies. I win.  Similar to the rhino, the water buffalo seems to have a deal worked out with those little birds.  I'm guessing the birds are the only other animals who like these punks.

Warthog.  Oh, Pumba, you are a funny little creature.  Almost so ugly, you're cute.  Almost.  They are pretty damn ugly.  On our walking safari,  this particular warthog, who is the largest male on the reserve, came trotting towards us.  I wasn't sure if I should be scared or not, but he didn't even give us the time of day.  I would also like to share with you what I think about eating warthog...I do not suggest it.  It is terrible.  It is a punishment.  I had it five years ago and it was the worst thing I had ever eaten.  So far, it still firmly holds that title.  They tried to make me eat it again this time.  Our guide told me, "It is so good, it will change your life."  My response was, "It already changed my life.  And not in a good way."  I stood my ground.  Warthog, like the Jonas Brothers, is something you should only have to experience once.

Wild dogs.  Where do I start?  I suppose I should start with saying that I wasn't actually aware of their existence.  I somewhat assumed that wild dogs were dingos.  And if you weren't careful, they would eat your baby.  But there are actually animals out there that are officially referred to as wild dogs.  And we saw them.  And they are ugly.  Uglier than hyenas, which is quite a feat.  The picture isn't a great one to show what they really look like, but it's my favorite one.  I love their ears.  And the most ironic moment of the trip came when we were chasing a pack of wild dogs.  Always thought it would be the other way around.  I feel lucky that I got to see these little mongrels.  There are only 5,000 in the world, and only 2,000 in South Africa.  I will say this, Mr. Bojangles has these guys beat hands down in a beauty contest.

Zebra.  And finally, the zebra, the most perplexing animal around.  I don't really get the zebra.  I feel like he may be trying a little too hard to stand out.  I mean, seriously, you REALLY stand out.  And you aren't even poisonous.  I very much loved seeing them hanging around, doing their flamboyant thing.  Do work, pony.  Nothing but love for ya.  I'm also a big fan of the fact that their manes look like mohawks.  Go on with your bad self, zebra.  Maybe I'll get a pet zebra.  I'll name him Mr. T, and he'll wear gold chains.