Keep the Change, Pal!

I've adopted a new policy in my life.  I'm going to start calling people, "Pal," when making a point.  It really gets my message across.  Strong.  Powerful. Pal.  For example, next time I'm dealing with customer service, I'm going to say, "Listen, pal..." or when someone is being rude for no other reason that it's a Tuesday, I'll say, "Calm down, pal."  I like the irony in the fact that a word that is synonymous with "friend" actually is quite hostile.

So, I am not adverse to change.  I almost always embrace it.  You can often overhear me condescendingly telling someone, "If you don't embrace change, you will be the one left behind."  Oh Kathy, she is SO wise.  But I will admit, there are a few things I am really struggling with accepting. 

First up?  Summer Armageddon.  Remember when The War on Terror began and President Bush used fun buzz words and catch phrases.  Unlawful combatants.  Suspicious Behavior.  Weapons of Mass Destruction.  Axis of Evil (that was a good one).  And my personal favorite, Smoke 'em Out of their Hole.  I currently feel like the state of Oklahoma is trying to smoke me out of my hole, but with extreme heat.  Seriously, enough already.  Husband and I left Arizona to escape torture heat.  Why did it follow us?  Go home.  Go back to your hot home...I'm done with living on the surface of the sun.

Kath's second struggle has to do with "virtual keys." Up until last week, I owned a phone with a real keyboard.  It was kind of like a sidekick, ala Paris Hilton, but not as big.  I fit the role quite well.  I could type like a mad man on that thing, all the while pulling my little dog around in a suitcase (see picture).  But alas, that old phone died, and I was forced to upgrade.  I don't have AT&T or Sprint, so no, I don't have an iPhone.  I don't drink coffee.  I've never read Harry Potter.  I'm different than you, I'm sorry.  Anyway, I'm have a VERY difficult time adjusting to this virtual keyboard.  And predictive text.  I send texts that come across that I am either 1. Intoxicated...heavily 2. Very, very dumb. Or 3. English is not my first language. Well, technically English isn't my first language, jive is.  But that's not the point.  The point is that I may have to put my fingers on a diet, they seem to be too fat to type words correctly.  How sad is that?  Poor, Kathy, and her fat little sausage fingers.

Finally, I'd like to address what no one will...the no-merge policy on the highways of Oklahoma City.  Seriously, what is wrong with you people?  Where does this aggression stem from?  I will let you in on a little secret, me trying to merge has nothing to do with my personal feelings toward you.  I am not mad at you.  I don't even know you.  And running me off the road and not allowing me to enter the highway isn't very neighborly.  Have you not seen the signs, "Drive Friendly" ? It's not a suggestion, I'm almost positive it's the law.   I cannot adjust to this angry attack.  In the year and a half that I have lived here, I have been run off the road no less than six times while trying to merge.  The official title of what I am on is an "on-ramp" which means I need "on" the highway in which you are currently driving.  Ease up.  Smile.  And let me over, pal.