And One!

You don't have to say it.  I already know.  I've dropped the ball on my blogging.  Oddly enough, I've been very busy.  And for two days to start the week, I played accountant.  I was crunching numbers and adding credits and debits.  I wore one of those green visors and used an adding machine.  Just kidding, I used an abacus. I lost my focus, and for that I apologize.

I was also in an every-team-I-cheer-for-loses funk for a good five days.  It was as if I was living in the early 90's again.  God bless.

But I was pulled out of my funk last night with a Cowboy victory over the Longhorns.  This grizzly bear has emerged from hibernation.

Last night, a super fan sat behind me.  She was by herself, but was cheering enough for four.  She irritated me, but I tried to be lenient.  It's good to be a fan.  It's good to be a positive fan, who is excited for the team. But, man alive, her voice was more than I could handle.  She didn't have a good sports-yelling voice.  And she also yelled "Play Tough!" a lot.  Play tough?  What kind of advice is that?  It's not even specific.  To me, "play tough" means a hard elbow to the clavicle and swift kick in the pants.  And that typically results in a flagrant 1.

So seeing as I am basically the perfect college basketball fan and not annoying to anyone who sits around me, I thought I'd share with you how I cheer for basketball.  Think of it as Kathy's Guide to Getting the Most Enjoyment Out of the Game.

1. Fouling.  I think that any contact with our players warrants a foul called.  I let the officials know by screaming, "Foul!  Foul!"; "That's a foul!"; or "CALL THE FOUL!"  You know I'm serious when I switch from statements to commands.
2. Free throws.  When the officials are doing their jobs, and correctly call a foul on a made shot, I alert everyone in my section as to what will happen next.  "And one! AND ONE!"  I always say it twice, and really emphasize the second one.  Sometimes, if I'm really excited, I will stand up and imitate the officials call, by moving my right arm in an emphatic motion.  Thank God the people in section 212 have me, or else they wouldn't know what to expect.
3. Calling the shot.  I'm a fan of calling shots before they go in.  I promise you, on everything that is holy, it is involuntary.  When a good looking three pointer leaves the shooter's hands, my arms go up, and I call it.  Imagine my disappointment when they don't fall.  For I am the fool in the stands with her arms raised straight in the air.
4. My all-time favorite thing to scream repetitively is, "REBOUND!"  I'd say in any given game, I yell that at least 29 times.  And it infuriates me when 1.) Shooters don't follow their shot or 2.) Defenders are out-rebounded because they are standing flat-footed.  If I was anywhere close to the court, I would grab the basketball and throw it as hard as I could at their faces to get my point across.  Because apparently, I'm Bobby Knight.
5. I honestly believe with all of my heart that there is no better place on earth than Gallagher Iba Arena when it's a close game and the crowd is amped.  I get a little choked up every time it's like that.  It's so wonderful.  Seriously, being able to scream at the top of your lungs with thousands of other people.  Nothing better.  I've been known, from time to time, to get light-headed from yelling so loudly.  This happens every time we play Kansas.  I jump up and down, like I'm jumping rope, and if Husband is standing next to me, I pull on his shirt in a, "Can you believe how amazing life is right now?" way.  I wish I could spend every day of my life jumping up and down and screaming.  Unfortunately, I've yet to find a way to get paid to do that, and I'd more than likely miss out on all of my child's life. So I'll settle for five or six times a year.
6. When I'm watching from home, I really up my game.  Here's how:
1. I yell WAY more.  And I have a constant chatter going.  I'm positive it's not annoying at all to watch basketball with me.
2. I jump up and point at the TV.  "Yeah, that's on you, buddy!"  I'll yell, with my finger pointing at the opponent.  Because I'm certifiably insane, and that's what crazy people do.
3. And as of last weekend, I apparently call charges from the couch.  By "call," I mean, I actually go through the physical motions of assessing a charge to the opponent.  In case you would like to do the same, you hold your left arm (bent at the elbow) against your body, while forcefully punching your right arm in front of you.  If you were feeling especially passionate about the call, you could hop on your left foot and simultaneously land on your right while punching the air.  That's how the pros do it.  I'm not quite there yet.

After reading through my rules to happy viewing, I'm starting to think I might be obnoxious.  Maybe Little Miss Play Tough was sent to remind me that I  drive everyone around me crazy.  There's probably some little chippy writing a blog about that annoying "and one" girl as we speak.  Maybe I should tone it down.  

Not gonna happen.

CALL THE FOUL!