Thanks y'all

Turkey Day is just a day away and you know what that means?  Kathy needs to stop complaining and whip up a little list of things she is thankful for.  So fill up that gravy boat and read along, won't you?

Meaningful conversations.  On the way to work today, Tiny Human and I had a conversation about Drake.  It started with her telling me she didn't like Macklemore.  Fair enough.  He's not for everyone.  She does, however, like Hotline Bling.  She asked some pretty hard-hitting questions about Drake like, "Does he have a beard?" "Does he want a beard?" and "Does he have hair?"  I appreciated her desire to really get to know the artist.

          

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm not listening to Kidz Bop in the car.  Because I can't, that's why.  I watch Dora and tolerate that stupid Map App and I watch Frozen and answer the same questions about why Elsa freezes stuff (emotional baggage) every single time.  I draw the line with the radio.  I need to hear music I like.  And you know what?  I'm not listening to Eazy E or Too Short, so I think I'm doing okay.  P.S.  I'm also thankful for Eazy E.

Inspiration in strange places.  I've recently been bitten by the inspiration bug.  No need to worry, it's a small bite that can be treated with essential oils (I don't know anything about essential oils, but from what facebook tells me, they cure everything).  I've been watching Orange is the New Black and had a epiphany. I'm sure you are wondering, why are you just now watching OITNB?  Because, people, I'm a laggard.  Please consult the chart.  I wait until something has been fully vetted by the general population, so I'm not stuck looking like a sucker.  Google Glass, anyone?  

Anyway, Crazy Eyes' writing inspired me to jump feet first into writing myself.  I probably won't write erotica like her, but you never know.  It's time to stop talking about how I want to be a writer, and just be a writer.  If she can do it, so can I!  Pay no attention to the fact that she's a character on TV, THAT'S NOT THE POINT.  I was also kind of inspired by a book I just finished.  It was really bad.  And if crap like that can get published and receive a good review, ergo tricking me into reading it, then what am I doing on the sidelines?  

I was also inspired by a random run in at Whole Foods.  As I stood inline to check out with two pies, two types of scones and cinnamon rolls, I noticed that Russell Westbrook's wife was in line in front  of me.  Looking at her made me feel bad about myself.  Thanks a lot, tall perfect-bodied former collegiate athlete.  And then I reminded myself, in a mere 12 weeks, I won't have to wear elastic and feel like a turtle caught on his back every time I lay down.  After Tiny Human #2 makes his arrival, I too can wear cute outfits and carry $3000 purses and be married to one of the greatest basketball players in the world.  

Football season is coming to an end.  Yes, you read that right, I'm thankful that college football season is coming to an end.  Bless it, this season has been a roller coaster.  This is an accurate description of how I've felt watching the Cowboys since August:

Holy lord, we are terrible ---> Well, at least we won ----> We will lose at least five games, maybe six. ---> How do we keep winning?  -----> I'm starting to think we have made a pact with the devil....I'm totally okay with that ----> Someone please tell me when it's safe to start breathing again. ---> Hey!  Maybe we are pretty good after all!  We just beat a top ranked team! ---->  Nope, spoke too soon.  We have flaws, but we keep winning, so that's something right? ---->  Frick!  OU looks really good.  Frick!  ----> Oh...It's all coming back to me.  Losing isn't fun at all.  At what point do I need to start accepting that a comeback isn't going to happen?  ----> Frick.  Bedlam has potential for making me have really bad feelings.

And that's where I'm at now.  I'm concerned.  I'm concerned that I'm going to wrap my fat stomach in twelve layers and brave the cold only to be kicked in the teeth by Baker "oh look at me, I used to be a walk-on but now I'm great and a good dancer" Mayfield.  Blast!  But I'm going to go.  And I'm going to hope that that pact with the devil has a Bedlam clause.  And if we do lose?  I will just pretend we didn't.  It's how I deal with bad things.  I choose to behave as if they didn't happen.  I Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind the hell out of painful losses.  Been doing it for years, and it's worked out just fine.

If you need me, just look for this girl.  Also, I'll probably need some help up.

         

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  And Go Pokes!

No, No...Thank YOU!

It’s that time of year…November.  Should be Yesvember, because everyone is in the spirit of announcing what they are thankful for.  It’s a facebook tradition (<-- it’s true, those exist) to write about what you are thankful for every day in November.  Each year, I see people do it.  Each year, I think, “meh.”  Not because I have a problem with those who do, but more because, I’m not convinced that I can think of 30 things I’m thankful for.  How pathetic is that?  I can’t think of 30 measley things I’m happy to have.  I can think of 492 that annoy me, but thankful?  Apparently, I'm ungrateful.  I'm currently typing blind, for my head is hung in shame.

I thought about just writing a blog where I listed 30 things I was thankful for, knock out every day in one single post.  But I quickly realized that no one actually wants to read that.  It would be a bad version of Buzzfeed…which if we are all being honest with each other, is pretty bad to start.  Add Buzzfeed to my annoy list.

So, instead, I’m taking the angle of what am I thankful for right NOW.  This way, I’m kind of participating, but no one has to depend on me to be thankful every day.  We all come out of this as thankful winners.

• I'm thankful OSU beat Texas Tech this weekend.  There are lots of reasons this makes me happy, but a lot of it has to do with Tech fans accusing Oklahoma State of "stealing" their traditions.  I'm going to let you in on a secret: you guys didn't invent a person riding a horse.  That's actually been going on for quite a while now. See Lawrence of Arabia or the Pony Express.
• I'm thankful for Desmond Roland and Rennie Childs.  They are great little runners.  No idea why it took seven games to figure this out, but that's not the point.  I like to think me screaming, "THAT'S NOT WORKING!" each game had something to do with the change in running back.
• I'm thankful for crockpots.  They are so wonderful.  Magical meal makers.  I wish I could use the crock pot for every meal.
• I'm thankful for all the crazy people in my life.  I've upped the ante lately with the amount of cuckoo in my life.  They are all material for the best seller I'm going to write some day.  So bring it on nutsos, don't think for a minute that I'm not taking notes.
• I'm thankful for conversations like this:
  Husband: I guess there were earthquakes last night
  Kathy: Yeah, I just read that.  It is earthquake season.
  Husband: Earthquake season?  That's a thing?
  Kathy: Yes.  Earthquakes happen in the fall around here.
  Husband: Is that scientifically proven?
  Kathy:  It's, "I only have memories of earthquakes happening during football season" proven.
  Husband: Good enough for me.

So there you go, five things I'm thankful for at this very moment.  Maybe my heart isn't made of stone after all.  There's hope.

**Editor's note: It goes without saying, I'm thankful for my family and friends, baby and dog, my blessed life and charmed existence.  But I just don't think crockpots get enough love...I'd be devastated if I lose mine this earthquake season.

Danke Schoen

(**Editor's Note: My extended blogging hiatus has been due largely in part to the human that I created.  I don't know if anyone has told you guys, but babies are a lot of work.  I look forward to her hitting the three-month mark when she will become completely self-sufficient.)

As my Facebook timeline is filled with the "Today I'm thankful for..." status updates, I had an idea.  Why not just knock them all out at once? I thought about carrying out my grand plan on FB, but as you will see, my thankful things are filled with snark.  Snark is best left to the blog.  Don't want any of my almost 600 closest friends to think I'm making fun of their thankful things, I'm just taking a Kathy-like stand on the matter.  So here are my top 10 thankful things, I tried to come up with 21 and ran out of steam...

1. Tupac.  I'm thankful for Tupac Shakur.  There has never been a time in  my life when I heard a Tupac song that it didn't instantly improve my mood.  Kids these days don't appreciate the genius that is I Get Around, Dear Mama, and I Ain't Mad at Cha. Thug life, homie.
2. Cowboy basketball.  Went to the exhibition game the other night and man I'm happy that the season has started.  I love Cowboy basketball. I love being able to say things like, "You shouldn't get beat by an outlet pass," and Husband looking at me and saying, "The fact that you say things like that is ridiculous."  If by ridiculous, you mean ridiculously awesome, you're right.
3. My leadership class.  I'm part of a leadership class that runs from October until April.  It's filled with young whipper-snappers throughout the OKC community.  They do fun things like brunch and happy hour and community meetings.  Granted, I haven't gotten to participate in the fun activities due to the human I made, but knowing that it's a possibility makes me very happy.
4. My new car.  Or whip as the kids say.  Actually, I have no idea if people still call cars "whips."  They probably don't, which really demonstrates how old I am.  Sigh.  Anyway, I love my new car.  I realize that loving material things is shallow.  Oh well.  It's awesome.  It has so many bells and whistles, my heart is happy each time I get in.  The cup holders also light up...in orange lights.  When we got in at the dealership and were being told how to work all the 1,000 gadgets, guess what was playing on Sirius?  Ludacris.  Unedited.  It was destiny.
5. Sirius Satellite Radio.  I've never had it before and let me tell you, having it is like being an Amish person with an iPhone.  Mind blown.  They have a country station that only plays 80s and 90s country.  Holy Travis Tritt and Tanya Tucker, this station was made for me.
6. Election season ending.  Too much propaganda.  I can't imagine living in a swing state, because I'm sick of it and I live in a state that all the candidates forgot.  I'm also tired of a certain Congressional candidate calling our house.  I keep trying to break up with you and you don't seem to be getting the message.
7. The show Breaking Amish.   You should watch this show.  It's a train wreck.  In the most beautiful way.
8. Being able to say anything I want to my baby.  She's so young, I can just talk and talk and she'll never actually know what I'm saying.  Yesterday, I sang James Brown to her (Get on the scene!  You're a poop machine).  I talked to her this morning about the election.  And I sing the OSU fight song to her when she cries.  I am entertaining myself more than anything.  Conclusion drawn: I need more adult interaction.
9. Dark beer.  I got to drink one the other night after 10 months on the wagon.  My heart was all aflutter.  I am thankful for you dark beer, I really am.
10. The Chicago Bears defense.  Single-handily has saved my fantasy football season.  Hats off to you Brian Urlacher.

The End.  Thank you and goodnight.

This is a Stick Up!

I've been meaning to write this blog for about a month now, but for one reason or another I keep getting sidetracked.  But it's Tuesday and I would like share a story/some advice with you.  You are so very welcome.

About a month ago Husband and I were being good suburbanites and went shopping at Home Depot.  It was time to freshen up the landscaping in the front.  It was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL day outside, which I have learned translates to Home Depot be hoppin'!  We, however, seemed to be the only people not in a major hurry to get our soil, rakes and plants.  As we walked toward the garden center, a very tiny woman of approximately 4 feet 11 inches raced up behind us.  She was in a hurry. A  big, big hurry.  Instead of using the 7 feet of open aisle on our right to pass, she increased her speed.  She was tailgating and I could feel her hot breath on the small of my back (you know, because she was short and I'm not).  At no point did she back off, there was only one clear solution.

And so, I decided to treat dramatic behavior with equally dramatic behavior.  Sometimes it's the only way to get your point across.  I stopped suddenly, threw my hands in the air and turned to the side so she could pass.  See the kitten pictured above?  I looked like that, except I'm not furry and I was being accosted by her rudeness, not a gun...although guns can be very rude.  I hadn't run my plan past Husband before acting, so the look of surprise on his face was equal to the small woman's.    She was instantly embarrassed.  She muttered, "Sorry, sorry, sorry," as she scurried away.  Point made.  Kathy wins.

Husband stared at me and asked, "What WAS that?"  I simply stated, "She was in a hurry, so I was getting out of her way."  Then I smiled wide.  I proceeded to explain that sometimes you have to act ridiculous in order for others to recognize their own ridiculous behavior.  The only downfall to this strategy is that sometimes you embarrass the people you are with...and that is a risk I'm always willing to take.

Well, that was rude...

I chose Tuesday to announce on Facebook the big news that Husband and I are going to be parents to more than a furry, attitude-filled dog this September. I battled back and worth as to whether to announce it at all on the Book.  The Book is weird, and voyeuristic, and I tend to be a dramatic worrier, so I wanted to get through all those first hurdles before I went on the interwebs to explain my fatness.

I tried to justify to myself that I didn't need to announce anything on Facebook, because this was our personal/private news.  Whatever.  I wanted the attention.  I think that's a symptom of being pregnant, or a symptom of being Kathy, either way, I secretly wanted the accolades.  No need to lie about it.

So, I announced, and I was overwhelmed with the kind words and many congrats.  Yay Kathy!  You are virtually loved!  Or so I thought.  At the end of the day, I noticed I had lost three "friends."  Hmmmm, that's pretty strange.  So I decided that the reason these three people unfriended me on the day I announced I was going to be a first-time mom had to be one of the following:

1. They hate babies.  It's true, there are people out there that hate babies.  They also hate puppies.  And rainbows.  And sunshine.  And otters.  They knock ice cream out of little kids hands.  So now that I am on the cusp of having one of those squishy tagalongs, they can't be my electronic friend.

2. They hate the idea that I will be a mom.  While not very nice, I get it.  I'm scattered and dramatic, like to drink dark beer, and have been known to cuss once or twice year.  I may not be the ideal parent, this is true.   But Husband is gentle and kind, so he should balance out all my bad qualities.  And besides, I will teach this little girl all about sports and shoes and politics, and most importantly, the fine art of sarcasm.  Obviously, these three people just don't believe in me.  Their loss.

3. They hate me.  Merely by coincidence, three people made the decision, "I just can't take anymore of Kathy's nonsense.  She is no longer my friend.  We are done. She is dead to me!"  And then they threw the plate with my name on it into the fire (Joe Schmo Show anyone?) Granted, I don't believe in coincidence, so this isn't a realistic option.

Losing Facebook friends is a very strange feeling.  My inner 16-year old wants to write them a note and ask them why we aren't friends anymore.  But the realistic version of myself figures, since I'm not even sure who the three former friends are, we probably weren't that close anyway.

Meh...doesn't matter to me

Happy Thanksgiving, people!  Thanks for stopping by and reading this blog.  I'm thankful for that.

I've discovered that the new thing, the hip thing, the in-crowd thing to do, is to post on Facebook or Twitter what you are thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Sure I have plenty to be thankful about, but I don't like to be like everyone else.  I like to stand out.  I'm a maverick.  A Thanksgiving maverick.  A rogue turkey, if you will. 

If you have ever read this blog before, you know that I'm super opinionated.  I spend a lot of time writing/talking about things I love (Oklahoma State, shoes, college basketball, burritos, etc) and things I hate (passive aggressive people, birds, possums, coconut, liars, etc).  So in honor of all the pilgrims, Native Americans, and the Mayflower, I'd like to write about all the things I'm indifferent towards.  Enjoy.   Or don't.  Doesn't make much difference to me, I'm indifferent.

Raisins.  *Shrug* Don't hate 'em.  Don't love 'em.  I think oatmeal raisin cookies are an attempt to trick people.  Everyone knows that the preferred cookie is chocolate chip.  I like raisins when they are fresh and plump, you know, when they are still grapes.  And I like wine, which is made from grapes, so I guess that's a correlation.  But in general, I could take them or leave them.

The color yellow.  Whatever.  Doesn't affect Kathy's mood one way or another.  I own two yellow shirts, but I never seem to be tan enough to wear them.  I'm not sure what skin tone can pull off yellow, but it's not, "you kind of look ill due to the paleness of your skin" that I'm rocking.  I think yellow cars are obnoxious, but yellow accessories are cute.  Maybe it's because I have reached maximum capacity in the citrus colors category due to my allegiance to orange.  I don't see that changing anytime soon.  Mellow yellow indeed.

Hockey.  Hockey games are fun to attend.  However, I didn't know this until my 22nd year on Earth.  Oklahoma isn't really puck country.  I enjoy going to hockey games and being around hockey fans, but I would never seek out to watch a hockey game on television.  I don't really have a team either.  I adopted the Red Wings when I lived in Michigan because they were good and everyone else loved them.  Not a hard decision to make; I wanted to fit in.  Then I moved to Arizona, and they have a hockey team, or so they say.  But it's the desert where the average temperature is 173 degrees.  It's silly to have a hockey team on the surface of the sun, I can't get behind that.  I am not indifferent to Sidney Crosby, though.  Two thumbs up, buddy. 

And Pit Bull.  The singer/rapper/Daddy Warbucks look-a-like, not the dog breed.  I have no strong feelings toward him one way or another.  I couldn't tell you the name of one song he sings, but I know he seems to be on my television trying to get me to drink Dr. Pepper a lot.  He speaks a lot of Spanish, which is cool, but I only understand every fifth word.  Maybe if I ever go to a club again, I'll dance to a Pit Bull song.  Or maybe I won't.  I really can't say.  He elicits zero reaction from me.  He's like the Tavaris Jackson of hip hop.  His existence affects me none.

I could keep going, but I've bored myself.  Please add to the list: this blog entry.  Not great.  Not terrible.