I don't like your girlfriend

I haven't really blogged about Cowboy Basketball much this year.  There are several reasons/excuses.  I made a human and she surprisingly takes up a lot of time; I took a blogging sabbatical; I'm a little lazy.  All of those things are true.  But on the day that Saint Valentine sent letters from his prison cell (is that even the correct story?), I'd like to tell you a little story.  Even if you aren't a sports fan (what the hell is wrong with you?) you'll probably like it.

There once was a guy named Henry (OSU basketball).  Everyone liked Henry.  He was a good guy, very consistent in his behavior.  He was no Jeremy (KU basketball), but that was okay.  Jeremy is a little obnoxious.  Henry started dating Allison (Eddie Sutton) and she was an instant hit with all his friends.  She was a local girl who really brought Henry out of his shell.  He was so fun now that Allison was by his side.  You found yourself making excuses for skipping out on your responsibilities because you wanted to hang out with Henry and Allison all the time.

As a couple, they were the best.  She loved him so, and he shined so bright in her presence.  Everyone benefited from their relationship.  They were seriously the most fun couple.  Remember when you vacationed with them in Seattle in '95?  Randy Rutherford and Brooks Thompson were there.  Gosh, that was SO fun!  And remember when you took that little weekend getaway to San Antonio in 2004?  OMG, the best!  Sure, you got your credit cards stolen (losing to Georgia Tech), but it was such a fun trip otherwise.

It was hard to think of Henry and not think of Allison.  That's how perfect they were together.  They were your very favorite couple.

And then the unthinkable happened....Henry broke up with Allison.  It was sudden.  It was unexpected.  And it was shocking.  Allison was heartbroken.  But more importantly, YOU were heartbroken.  How could Henry do this? They were your go-to couple.  Double dates, trips, weddings, happy hours...you name it, you were always with Henry and Allison.  Who were you supposed to hang out with now?

Deep down, you knew Henry didn't have any other choice.  It was just such a bitter pill to swallow.  After a little dating around, Henry started dating a new girl, Amy (Travis Ford).  You instantly hated her.  She wasn't as pretty as Allison, she wasn't funny and witty like Allison.  She wasn't Allison!  And you just weren't going to forgive her for that.  And where did he even find Amy?  She wasn't even from here!  Everyone knew that if Henry and Allison ever broke up, he was supposed to date Hannah (Bill Self).  But stupid Hannah had started dating Jeremy when Henry and Allison were still together.  You didn't really care, because whatever, you like Hannah and you want her to be happy.  But now that Henry was single, she was supposed to break up with Jeremy and coming running into Henry's arms.  Everyone knew this.  Stupid, stupid, Hannah.  Just break up with Jeremy.  Sure, he has great clothes, dreamy eyes and a great job.  So what!  He's no Henry.

So here we are with Henry and Amy, the new couple.  You have refused to give her a chance, hoping she would just go away or Henry would dump her for someone shinier.

"Sure, she has a nice body (recruiting class)," you say.  "But she dresses so dowdy.  She doesn't do anything with her figure!  And what happens when she stops dieting (Marcus Smart goes to the pros)?  Huh?  What happens then?  She'll be chubby again.  Allison was never chubby."

"I hate the way she throws parties! (runs plays) Amy's parties are filled with loud music and dancing.  It's so chaotic!  Allison's parties were so sophisticated (defense). I'd rather just stay home!"

"Amy and Henry aren't as fun as he and Allison were.  We used to always win trivia with them.  Now we consistently finish in the middle.  And forget about playing darts (away games).  Amy can't even hit the board.  Allison was much more fun."

But let me share something with you...Amy's not so bad.  I've been on her side from the beginning, and I LOVED Allison.  We are still very close.  Actually, in my mind, we're very best friends.  But Henry is with Amy now.  Allison isn't coming back.  Ever.  And I'm a loyal friend.  I've been friends with Henry since the 80s, I'm not giving up on him now.  So it's just been me, Husband, Henry and Amy hanging out.  Sure it's a little lonely, but I've never waivered.

So on this Valentine's Day, I beg of you...stop being a jerk.  Just accept Amy already.  We can go back to the good ol' days of rowdy behavior.  Lamp shades on our heads, swinging from the chandeliers.  This could all be yours again.  Show up this Saturday at Gallagher Iba Arena.  Dwight (OU basketball) will be there.  And remember how fun it is to tease and make fun of Dwight?  I'll be there.  Husband and baby will be there.  Even Allison will be there.  She's gotten over the break up.  Why haven't you?

I don't think so, buddy

Listen up, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, I don't want your ugly necklace. I'll be happy when Valentine's Day is over so you can stop monopolizing the television with your jewelry hawking.  Enough.  I don't care how many times you tell me that if I keep my heart open love will find a way in.  Your necklace looks like a cobra.  That doesn't make me think of love.  Cobras make me think of Karate Kid (put him in a bodybag, yeah!) and Rikki Tikki Tavi.  If Husband were to buy me an Open Heart Necklace for Valentine's Day, I wouldn't think, "Wow, he loves me so much!" I would think, "Why does he hate me?"  I'm not sure the jewelry of preference for women in 1867 Colorado Springs (I had to google Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman because I didn't know anything about it.  After reading the Wikipedia page, I feel like I probably didn't miss out on anything.  Lauren Ingalls Wilder owns you Dr. Quinn), but here in present day 'Merica, your necklace is dumb.

 

Side note: Blogger hates me today, and I can't figure out how to add this image as a thumbnail.  Urgh.  Technology.  I thought about leaving it out, but really, this argument needs a visual aid.

I've wanted to share my annoyance of the Open Heart/Cobra necklace for quite some time now.  Actually, I originally wanted to blog about it in December  (she makes a big push around the holidays too), but I was waiting for something else to complain about to round out the blog.  And then last week I found my other topic...

I was watching the Today show while I got the baby ready for her day.  Don't worry, once she's a little more aware, I'll put something on the television that is actually educational and valuable.  For  now, I choose to watch these yahoos on NBC and see what wacky situation Al Roker will get himself in next!  Zany!  Anyway, they had a reporter doing a story from Sochi, Russia, home of the 2014 Winter Olympics.  I don't remember exactly what the story was, other than they pointed out that it's a resort town with warm weather in the winter.  Don't worry though, the mountains surrounding Sochi have plenty of snow. Whew!  Close one.  The reporter then said, "They have a saying here in Sochi: If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes." My head popped up and I informed Spencer that that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Let me give you a little back story.  Please read the entire thing before you judge.  When I moved to Michigan, several people  said to me, "You know what they say about Michigan, if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes."  I found this ridiculous for two reasons 1. The weather in Michigan is pretty consistent.  Snow, snow, snow, snow.  Cloudy/overcast/40 degrees.  Snow.  Cloudy/overcast/40 degrees.  Sunshine for seven days.  And then snow again.  The weather isn't really their selling point.  Funny accents and hockey, that's where the money's at.  And 2. Everyone knows that Will Rogers said that.  And when he said it, he was talking about Oklahoma.    Geez, these northerners know nothing!

So, I had my pithy blog all ready to go.  I was going to point out how you can't just say, "we have a saying," when in fact, it's not your saying, you're just stealing it and applying it to your situation.  It's like saying, "You know what they say about Oklahoma City....whatever happens in OKC, stays in OKC."  Not applicable.  So I did a quick Google search, or as I like to call it, "fact checking," and discovered that it was in fact Mark Twain who said that and he was not talking about Oklahoma.  The exact quote is, "If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes."

Dammit!  I hate being wrong.  I mean, I really, really, really hate being wrong.  I basically get up each day knowing how right I'm going to be.  I feel as if I've been hoodwinked.  Someone, somewhere along the way told me this was about Oklahoma.  I probably just made up the fact that Will Rogers said it, because sometimes I embellish.  I don't even know what to do with this new found knowledge.  I feel like I should go back to Michigan and apologize to all those people that I snarkily (<-- new word I just invented) corrected.  As soon as the sun comes out up there, I'll get right on that.